Kicking and Fighting (Minus the Drama) in These Foolish Things

  • July 30, 2021, 8:11 a.m.
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Hey guys, what’s the scoop?

Agggghhh. I wait so long to write an entry and then I want to get all the things written down!

So. My latest is that I had to have a brain CT/CTA scan today. Neat, huh? See, I’ve been experiencing pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear (can hear my heartbeat in my ear), and that’s a sign that definitely needs to get checked out.

Remember when my carotid artery dissected and I was in the hospital for a few days a couple of years ago? Yeah, when I came thisclose to a stroke? Well, pulsatile tinnitus was part of my slew of symptoms, so when I started hearing the heartbeat again, I knew I had to tell my doctor team.

We think it’s probably chemotherapy-related because I’m having no other issues from a head/brain perspective, meaning, I don’t have headaches or neck aches or vision problems or anything like I had when my carotid blew, so that’s why I haven’t felt like it was an emergency or anything, but it IS a concern.

So, hopefully I’ll find out the results tomorrow and it won’t be anything serious.

Meanwhile, I’m now going to chemotherapy every three weeks from here on out. I only have three more sessions to go…but then again, I have THREE MORE sessions to go. And these fuckers are getting hard! Like, weirdly hard on Disco Day especially.

But I will power through like I have for 9 sessions already. Three more should be a piece of cake, but I get nauseous just thinking about that infusion room and the sounds and the smells. It’s definitely pavlovian. There are some people there who will be on chemo the rest of their lives! I can’t imagine. I just can’t. I suppose when you have the choice of that or death, you figure that part out. It’s nightmarish to think about.

Anyway. Back to my crazy head. Send the good juju that it’s something that will completely go away when I’m done with chemo. Thanks.

Next topic.

The love affair of the Treehouse continues (that’s what I’m calling my apartment now). I am having SO MUCH FUN getting it all spruced up and furnished. How is it possible that I waited so long to do this? No matter, this is truly a blast!

Last weekend, my sofa arrived and I had the Cyclist there to help me unbox and set it up (all we had to do once the delivery guy dropped it off was take the cardboard off and screw on the legs). I love, love, LOVE this sofa! It fits in the wall-o-windows corner perfectly and it’s great for lounging and even sleeping if someone ever wanted to nap on the couch with me.

Alas, it will NOT be the Cyclist as I am pretty sure we will not speak again.

The dude was pressing my buttons all the time, whether it was consciously or subconsciously. I could not deal with that stuff. And the funny thing is, he kept telling me how much he “needs help” …which I thought was weird at first but now I understand. It’s like he needs someone else to help him simply function…with directions, with time, with being a normal human being.

I don’t know if I can explain it, but he’s like a child when it comes to figuring out how to get to a destination at a designated time. And he doesn’t seem to take certain social cues properly.

Anyway, like I said, very hard to explain - especially since he kept offering me help. I suppose he wanted to help the poor cancer lady, and it was suuuuuper nice of him to put together my console table and then offer to hang the chandelier light fixture I ordered. And I appreciated the work and the offers so much - I really did!

But I just couldn’t live with the passive-aggressive stuff. And the drama. He’s been divorced over six years and speaks very bitterly of his ex. I can tell that they were volatile and that’s what he’s used to.

At one point I told him that he was being a dick with his passive-aggressive texts and he YELLED at me, saying, “OH, I CAN BE A DICK IF YOU WANT ME TO BE A DICK!!!”

I will not tolerate that. Not now. Not ever again. No amount of home decor projects and climbing ladders will ever sway me into tolerating that kind of behavior.

So back to the solo projects I go.

And it’s fine for now. In fact, Best Bud’s husband is in construction and she’s already volunteered him to bring over a ladder and hang my light fixture (I will trade for a nice bottle of wine and some snacks). I can figure this stuff out…or find a handyman.

Life is so much better without drama.

So…let me get a move on. I’m still at the office. I didn’t sleep well last night, thinking about this CT scan and had to get to the hospital early then run as fast as I could to the office and now I’m just EXHAUSTED. I still have to get home and walk the dog and then hopefully fall into bed.

But I wanted to pop on and say I’m still here - kicking and fighting and rocking and rolling!

Love you,

Florentine July 30, 2021

Fingers crossed your results show that all is a-okay! I’m glad the treehouse is bringing you some much needed serenity. Cyclist, not so much. 😂 Bye, dude!

gemidevi July 30, 2021

Too bad about the Cyclists, but so glad you know what you want and he isn't it! Glad you sent him away.

Sending you positive thoughts!!

Jinn July 30, 2021

Sending the good juju . I have that symptom when my iron gets too low .
It’s too bad The Cyclist turned out to be a no . :-) Oh well, keep looking :-)

Elaine Benes July 30, 2021

Omg between the stuff going on in your head and the Cyclist, I don’t even know where to start! I’m hoping they wouldn’t have let you out of the radiology department if there was something serious going on. I can’t believe you went to the office and worked all day after that. As for the Cyclist. WTF. Good riddance. You can find less annoying people to help you, even if you have to pay them!

Let’s see the light fixture!

Athena Elaine Benes ⋅ July 30, 2021

Learning to pay people to help me is one of the best things I ever did for myself. You tell them what to do, exactly like you want it done. You don't have any opinions pushed on you and they leave. Some things are just meant to be transitionactional. You deserve better than this Cyclist guy. I'm glad you're committed to never taking shit from a man like that again. That might just one of the best things you've ever done for yourself!!!! <3

Elaine Benes Athena ⋅ July 30, 2021

Exactly! You don’t have to compromise with or consider the feelings of someone you’re paying.

Parliament Athena ⋅ July 31, 2021

Preach, sister. I have plumber and electrician friends and I NEVER go to them because I want a set time and the right to bitch if that set time isn't met. :-)

colder July 30, 2021

Glad you are doing well! I like the Family Handyman website. It helps me to know if I can do something or if I should hire it out.

It’s awesome to always hear of you standing up for yourself. You’re one of the more confident people I know, I think. It’s inspiring.

You are going to do all of this, and I’m happy to hear you are so happy in the Treehouse 🙂

Marg July 30, 2021

I’m so glad you’re nearly done with the chemo although I realise three more treatments is still a long, arduous haul for you. Hope the pulsating tinnitus turns out to be related to the chemo and nothing to worry about. And bye The Cyclist! No need to put up with that shit.

IpsoFacto July 30, 2021

Sending you love and big time kudos for how well you handle your life. You know what you want and don’t want, what you need and don’t need and you’re willing to go to loan for a while rather than except less than that. That’s pretty awesome in my book.

plushcreep July 30, 2021

Shame the early promise The Cyclist showed didn't last, but better you find out sooner as opposed to later. Sending all the good juju your way I can.

Queensuzu1 August 03, 2021

Yeah for three more sessions. I have four. My dr likened it to Thursday morning of a work week. I like that.

pandora September 25, 2021

Whaaat! Wow, I'm sorry The Cyclist turned out to be such a passive-aggressive dick!

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