Out of the house - two days in a row! in These titles mean nothing.
- Sept. 17, 2020, 12:25 p.m.
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- Public
I visited my brother’s grave yesterday - first time since his ashes were buried in the Minnesota Veterans Cemetery in Preston. It’s a new cemetery and it’s beautiful. The stone work was done by the company my brother worked for.
The tombstones are the traditional white tablets in orderly rows up and down the hills. Mike’s says:
First name
Middle Name
Last Name
Date of birth
Date of death
US Army E-4
US Navy E-5
Vietnam
CIB OEF
At peace
With God
CIB stands for Combat Infantryman’s Badge which signifies that the soldier served in combat for a length of time. It’s an Army award for non-officers. The ‘medal’ is about four inches by half an inch and it’s worn above other ribbons and metals - it’s a rifle against a sky blue background with a silver border. When you see soldiers in uniform, testifying before Congress, preening their records, notice if they have a CIB. Some do, some don’t.
I had to look up OEF - it stands for Operation Enduring Freedom. That was Bush’s war after 9-11. Mike was over 50 but he was called to active duty and trained to be of all things a policeman and served over a year, mostly guarding a storage/distribution base in Japan and for a while at Whidbey Island’s air base in Washington state.
That stone holds my brother’s record as he wanted it to be told - to those who understood what it means.
He hoped to avoid and did avoid an honor quilt that local women make and present to veterans.
He didn’t go on an honor flight with other vets to visit the memorials in Washington DC. He might have gone had he lived longer. He might not have.
For a long time he didn’t have a plaque at the local veterans’ memorial on the court house lawn. There may be one there now. I will check later this week when I pay my property taxes.
There is no plaque for my husband who had a lesser service record - USMC in peacetime - except for the runup to the Cuban Missile Crisis when much of the ready garrison at Camp LeJeune was loaded up on ships and sent south.
There is a saying that I see fairly often now = it’s patriotic in a way that’s not grandiose. It says - Some gave all, all gave some. And the veteran’s cemetery, the memorials, even the big new painted rock in our town’s park recognize that.
Both my husband and my brother had six years service terms. My brother served two and half years of active duty, but was automatically in the army reserve for three and a half more. My husband served four years in active duty and two years in reserve. Both could have been called up for active duty at any time until the six years were up. I always thought that was unfair that people who didn’t go to the military had no obligation and those who did had a full six years of being at Uncle Sam’s beck and call.
After Mike got married he did not have a solid job so he joined the army reserve for the money - I believe - we never talked about it. After a year or so in the army reserve, he transferred to the navy reserve where he stayed until he retired perhaps ten years ago. He did say he went to the Navy because he figured he would not have to sleep on the ground or carry a gun in the navy. He had a good time, traveled a lot, got to do interesting things, collected some of his 100 friends and many more stories.
The military was good to my brother. They took care of him when he was sick and they have buried him on a pleasant south facing hill in a cemetery he helped build.
I don’t think there were any losers.
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I just looked up correct wording for ‘All gave some, some gave all’, and see it is the title of a Billy Ray Cyrus song. OMG. Not my brother’s style at all. But.
Last updated September 17, 2020
Jinn ⋅ September 17, 2020 (edited September 17, 2020)
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My Paternal Grandfather , My Dad, my Uncles , and one of my brothers served in the military. Funny how families seem to go that way . My one uncle was in Viet Nam for far too many tours and now has cancer probably from the Agent Orange the government assured soldiers was safe ( although they knew it wasn’t :-( . My Father went to college on the GI bill and in the military learned German and Russian. It was The Cold War . I never wanted my sons to enlist and actively discouraged them. Times change. I do not trust our government one bit.
woman in the moon Jinn ⋅ September 17, 2020
My brother's son is in the Navy reserve. He is educated and has rank. He spent a tour in the mideast a year so so ago - my brother hoped he wasn't spying.
The military is an opportunity for poor kids. I was glad neither of my sons was interested but had they been I would have been supportive. Someone does need to defend our country. They need to be treated well though.
Jinn woman in the moon ⋅ September 17, 2020 (edited September 17, 2020)
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The key there is being treated well and administered well. When I see how that Navy Captain was treated when there was an outbreak of Covid on his ship and he was fired for trying to get his crew help ( the government circulated a bunch of calculated lies about him to cover their Up their negligence ) and listen to Trump talk about how prisoners of war are “ Losers” , how people who are wounded are “ Chumps” , and how he did not want to visit a military cemetery in Europe because the rain would mess up his hair for photo ops ; I am sharply reminded why I never wanted my sons to consider the military . It’s now grossly corrupt like our government( or so it feels to me ) . Look at the crime at Fort Hood . Their commander was just fired a couple of weeks ago . No explanation but I assume it’s because he has not handled the issues there well and they are getting too much publicity when usually murders and sex trafficking on base is covered up :-( . The top military people now have to have the same attitudes as Trump because otherwise they would be fired. He is good at that :-(
NorthernSeeker ⋅ September 17, 2020
Thank you...that was a really interesting description of the markers and what they mean. I will definitely look for CIBs from now on.
ConnieK ⋅ September 17, 2020
The saying came after WWII. Why did your brother want to avoid the honor quilt?
woman in the moon ConnieK ⋅ September 17, 2020
He did not want public attention = picture in the paper.
ConnieK woman in the moon ⋅ September 17, 2020
Midwestern humility. :)
woman in the moon ConnieK ⋅ September 17, 2020
Humility is often another form of pride.
ConnieK woman in the moon ⋅ September 17, 2020
Good point. Or it might be that he just didn't want a bunch of damn strangers bothering him! LOL!
Purple Dawn ⋅ September 17, 2020
It sounds lovely
Just Annie ⋅ September 17, 2020
My father's ancestors were Mennonite, so we don't have a long history of military service. His older brother, my Uncle Norman, was in the Army during WWII. He stormed the beaches on D-Day and was briefly captured by the Germans, wounded, stitched up by a German doctor, and then rescued. Whew! But he rarely talked of the war. He didn't like the fuss.
Marg ⋅ September 18, 2020
That sounds like a lovely place to visit him - I’m glad the Military were good to him and came through for him at the end.
noko ⋅ September 18, 2020
Mr. Finch was ashamed of the fact that he never saw combat. Even though he insisted on being infantry he thinks they protected him for seeing battle because he was a MacArthur. His grave is on a rise with an Eastern view in a new part of an old military cemetery here. He has a small plaque. It is so sobering to visit for me to think of how many people have passed through service to our country and protected us.
woman in the moon noko ⋅ September 18, 2020 (edited September 18, 2020)
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What years and what branch of the service was he in? Related to Douglas MacArthur? Wow. MacArthur wasn't a very great man, flashy but not great. War is so awful.
My brother went to the local draft board and asked for a Republican deferment which I'm sure did not do him any good. That is a story I tell. It might be true but probably isn't.
There are almost always ways to avoid combat - you have to keep saying no to something easier to be a grunt. My brother was smart - he wanted out as soon as he could get out. Most non=combat options involved a longer term of service. He was in Vietnam at the end of the war - each month they announced numbers of soldiers coming home but he served a full 14 months - he extended a couple months to be released as soon as he got home - but by then there were so many rumors and truth about drugs that they kept soldiers to 'detox', adjust for a couple months so he didn't gain anything by extending his time. That's complicated but read it again - it might make sense. He also said repeatedly that the war was over when he was there - that both sides tried to avoid the other. It was only accidental when they met. He was proud though - proud enough to keep his hand in so to speak for many years. But I wanted to make clear that it wasn't a total misery, and that it gave him opportunities and that he made the most of it. And of course he was lucky that he died at 69 instead of 19.
noko woman in the moon ⋅ September 18, 2020
Mr. Finch was Army. He spent his whole term in Germany on a base. He was a direct descendent of Douglas MacArthur, I think great uncle, something like that and looked a lot like him. He also had a somewhat similar personality so I am glad he didn't become an officer. He enlisted just after Vietnam. My best friend Mrs. Sherlock was a navy nurse on a medical ship posted to Vietnam. He father was a navy Lt. Colonel and was serving on the ground there when she was on the ship. She rarely talks about it but very much believes her service had meaning.
woman in the moon noko ⋅ September 18, 2020
Thank you so much for the information.
My brother was born in 1950. He was drafted in 1970. Nixon had been elected in 1968 because he had a plan to end the war, but it was still going enough to draft my brother. I always hate Nixon more for that than for Watergate. At the same time my brother was drafted three others, a cousin of his and a cousin of my husband and a neighbor were drafted and they all went to Germany. So it was such a crapshoot. In any meaning of the word you can imagine. My husband's cousin was really bothered by the black soldiers in Germany. Makes you want to bang your head against the table.
It was a fascinating time of our history and I am glad I lived during the 1960s when so much was going on. It was a very important time. No one but me seems to realize it any more but that's ok. I live enough in my head anyway.
noko woman in the moon ⋅ September 18, 2020 (edited September 18, 2020)
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That makes sense then, Mr. Finch was born in 1955. And yeah I am also glad I lived during that time, The draft was difficult on so many levels. And a crapshoot pretty much sums it up.
woman in the moon noko ⋅ September 18, 2020
It would have been hard to be a MacArthur - the General was such a giant and broad man. Wars require leaders and his was a very high profile. It takes ego to do those things and it puts you up to criticism - both legitimate and not.
Do you read any of William Manchester's books? I like them. I haven't read the one about MacArthur but I'd like to.
noko woman in the moon ⋅ September 18, 2020
Let me know what you think if you do read the book. It is difficult being a MacArthur. It took him about 3 full years to trust me and his family never really did. That is one of the many reasons I didn’t marry him.
Serin ⋅ September 18, 2020
I'm glad you got to see his grave.
Beret ⋅ September 21, 2020
I'm glad you were able to visit the gravesite. I come from a long line of military veterans including the Revolutionary War.