Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅

Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.

The ending is written into the beginning

God

Entries 736

Page 22 of 30

May 22, 2021

I Admit in A Childhood Lost

I do keep checking the Spam folder to see if my mom emailed me again. I don’t even recall what day it was, if it was still March or early April, that I saw that mom had emailed again and I just ...


May 22, 2021

People Get Angry in Journal

when I start asking questions about their relationships. People who get angry at questions about themselves are terrified. They know that they are not worth loving if the definition of love is ...


May 22, 2021

Of Course in Journal

Of Course you were perfect. Of course you were born with the ability to love, and be loved. Of course you are naturally compassionate, kind, empirical and reciprocal. Of course you are not innat...


May 21, 2021

Life is Funny in Journal

DH has been resisting my insistence on doing therapy. He can’t seem to criticize anyone except himself. He doesn’t see the benefit in doing therapy or putting in the work. Trying to feel his feel...


Something that was brought up in my group of frankly stone geniuses, was that no matter how dedicated you are to your plan, if you don’t have a buddy, you’re going to be far more swayed by the em...


May 14, 2021

Have a Plan in Journal

and Stick to It It’s funny how human emotion is the largest influence on finances. Not sensible planning or an eye to the long term outcome. Just in the moment panic or greed. BTC went on sale d...


My relationship with Free Will has always been one of mistrust or perhaps disbelief. My middle school counselor told me “I really thought you were lying. I’m not sure why.” I didn’t respond, but...


May 04, 2021

Trust in A Childhood Lost

My son is asleep still and the house is quiet. The neighbor is mowing and the the dryer is going- a load of diapers. My life is rhythmical and serene. I flow with the seasons; my will is graceful...


February 13, 2021

The Beginning of in Journal

loneliness. And God, am I ever so lonely. I peered at the pictures of “us” that I had hung around our small cottage like house. I looked for the people in them- first at the sibling pictures. T...


February 09, 2021

Relief in Journal

BTC is up and we made a shit ton of money. Ofc we aren’t going to touch it for at least 5 years. Should shoot up even more, as the dollar collapses. I just hope the economy will be viable in the ...


February 08, 2021

Poison in Journal

Fucking poison I’m surrounded by people who want nothing good for me. Well. I have 1 friend. One. And she’s busy with a newborn. Fucking HATE people who want to give marital advice with no self...


February 08, 2021

What am I in Journal

doing? What do I care about? Niceties? Politeness? Being civil? Making sure I don’t hurt anyone feelings? All the while I get pummeled and castigated, ignored, spurned, taken for granted? No....


February 04, 2021

I may Actually have in Journal

underestimated how upset I made my aunt by pointing out the fact that she’s old. I think that I really hit a nerve when I told her that, while her opinions of me were valid, I didn’t see any part...


February 04, 2021

MIL in Journal

Yeah, yeah. MIL’s are always bitchy. Mine is… not really bitchy. At least, not in any way that you could tell off the bat. She’s pretty mild, passionless, passive. Long story. I have had a beef...


February 03, 2021

Pride in Journal

What can I have pride in? I find myself feeling rather proud when I formulate a rational opinion with evidence and reasoning. And, even more so when soundly rebutting criticism. Okay; I can make...


February 03, 2021

Bitcoin in Journal

is up again. I’ve been buying DCA and it has helped to assuage my anxiety about buying. But now it’s up quite a bit and idk what to do. Still have quite a bit more to drop. Probably should just ...


February 01, 2021

I bought pens... in Journal

And why is this important, I hear you ask? Well. I love to write. Like. Absolutely love it. Pen on paper, the smooth silky line of ink left cleanly on a white paper. Unlined paper, of course, bu...


January 31, 2021

Lately I've been in Journal

deleting every facebook post I’ve ever made. I tried doing a purge, but FB is completely retarded and won’t allow me to do that. So. I’m deleting every. single. post. individually. for the past 1...


Yesterday, after Creep-O 5k sent me that message, I had responded & blocked, I had a pretty weird day. In the mail, was a plain white envelope addressed to me in blue ink, return address a c...


I’m pretty sure that I wrote about my therapy partner before. He was some dude on the server. I wanted a female partner, and posed a request reflecting as much. He insisted on being my partner. A...


January 28, 2021

Reality in A Childhood Lost

There is an emotional reality present within all of us. I say reality, because our emotional experience is empirical, objective, and involuntary. Just as I cannot will away the check engine ligh...


January 28, 2021

Aunt, again in Journal

she sent me a few quotes to reflect on recently, and then a longer email about her views on my problems. lol I responded honestly, of course. In my response, I had a quip, which I should have kn...


January 27, 2021

Hey, in Journal

A Survey General What kind of house do you live in (condo, single family, apartment, craftsman, ranch, etc.)? Pretty sure it’s called a cottage. It’s cute. What kind of siding does it have? Ceda...


January 26, 2021

Self Knowledge is Hard in Journal

I surround myself with ineffective, harmless people. I realized that about my long time best friend of 15+ years, the other weak. And I’m realizing this about my husband, too. BUT. I am changing...


January 26, 2021

No Protection in A Childhood Lost

These last few weeks, I’ve been wondering what affect my dad’s fathering has had on me. I knew it wasn’t good; I just couldn’t seem to sift through all the shit and pin anything down. I couldn’t...


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