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One of the emerging conflicts in my life is how I compartmentalize. It has all existed to guard my soul and stay private and reserved. Throughout K-12, I never would hang out with friends outsid...


I have no clue what happens in my brain. It seems to undergo times of relative thoughtlessness and unawareness. I feel like I have been out of consciousness for a solid minute. I’ve had some dece...


There are things that I am beginning to think will haunt me forever. They aren’t even things that I did, but injustices close to me, whether emotionally or geographically. Things that happened ye...


For the first time in a while, I had a dream about you. It isn’t like the old ones though of sentiment and yearning. This time it was more like I saw you in public while I looked awful and then I...


What an awful habit I’ve developed. I can only seem to work in the face of deadlines and when hit with adrenaline. When I know I have time, I cannot do work. I think I would need the rush of a gu...


March 13, 2024

How so in A transparent lockbox

One of the largest mysteries of life and my mind is infatuation and love. Just how in the span of a day, you can feel like you have fallen in and out of love with someone. The entire rush of gett...


February 27, 2024

Grandeur Lost in A transparent lockbox

Lately, I’ve had to confront the person I am compared to my expectations when I was younger. I know who I am now likely won’t be who I am forever. All I’ve been able to think about lately is how ...


February 22, 2024

Neutral in A transparent lockbox

For the life of me, when I’m emotionally neutral, I cannot write or think on a level that is at all profound. There were months when I was prolific, writing 4 poems a day, frequent journal entrie...


The experiences that get to me the most are the ones where you are made to feel stupid for being nice or kind. I always try to be understanding and empathetic, I want people to feel comfortable w...


This is practically the antithesis of yesterday’s entry. But today I was online and was recommended the profile of someone who once screwed me over romantically. The profile was nearly blank, wit...


February 03, 2024

Grudges in A transparent lockbox

One of the curses that has been bestowed upon me is my inability to let go of grudges. I wish that I didn’t care and could just move on, but god, I am bitter for eternity. No matter how small of ...


Last night and tonight while washing my face, I broke out into uncontrollable laughter. Last night was just about some experiences I’ve had with dating, like a man offering to drive an hour on th...


There has been something about today that has made me think about different aspects of myself. Everything has felt relatively fast, action-packed, and intense in all I’ve done. I was listening to...


January 06, 2024

Titles in A transparent lockbox

Tonight all I can seem to think about are titles and projections. Just all the things we are told we are, or are said about us, and the implications of those things. All the things that are arbit...


I am currently experiencing a personal phenomenon. There has been a palpable shift progressing in my mind for months now, but I feel it fully at this moment. There is just this overwhelming sense...


I met up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, they were around for the holiday. The experience was overall unpleasant I’ll say. My friend brought her new man along to introduce him; to be ...


December 26, 2023

Too practical in A transparent lockbox

Sometimes I am reminded of the variation of the human mind. I have witnessed some people in my life who are said to be smart, but they aren’t very intelligent. I have a half-sister who did a degr...


December 25, 2023

Abstinent in A transparent lockbox

It is the season of getting drunk with the family. I have been sober since July. I tend to do the extremes in life, in that I am all or nothing. There have been too many moments of embarrassment ...


December 23, 2023

In the mall in A transparent lockbox

Something has reignited in me after years, suddenly I can’t help but to begin writing creatively again. Maybe it is due to the frequent journaling that has allowed my thoughts to breathe and refo...


December 20, 2023

As a fetish in A transparent lockbox

Recently something has been brought to my attention. My appearance is androgynous, it isn’t something that I consciously fostered, it is just what I’m drawn to I guess. There have just been more ...


I’ve made it through so much of my life being quiet and unrecognizable, but suddenly for the first time in my life, I have the desire to be known. Just for my peers to see who I am I guess, and t...


I feel so abruptly raw sometimes. When I touch the cloth and the fabrics I feel like it becomes part of me, and I feel each microscopic texture that is on it. When the wind is howling in this dis...


Whenever I go to the city, I worry that I will run into the only guy I ever thought I liked. If we are being honest, he’s a guy I didn’t know very well. We talked every day for a month and a half...


December 06, 2023

Fragility in A transparent lockbox

Something I am always trying to understand is the depth of my emotional vulnerability. So many times, I feel so fragile and like I can be seen through, but it’s only within my own little world. W...


December 05, 2023

Rusting Gold in A transparent lockbox

Everything seems so amazing when it’s new and fresh. Living alone, making your own money, entering a new part of the world socially, but it all can fall quickly. There’s this side of life where y...


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