Creative Phenomenon in A transparent lockbox

  • Jan. 3, 2024, 7:44 a.m.
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  • Public

I am currently experiencing a personal phenomenon. There has been a palpable shift progressing in my mind for months now, but I feel it fully at this moment. There is just this overwhelming sense of balance and stability where I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I don’t have the desire to actively and excitedly live right now, to observe and contemplate. It is this rich and complex feeling where you have no desire to date, party, or strain yourself, and all you want to do is create and exist only in memory. If I had the resources I would take my dog and fly across the world and just hide away for months. It is awful of me, cause when I feel like this I become an awful friend in that I am so content with being alone that I don’t want to go online much or text a lot.
It feels like this natural progression to recollect and reflect on who I have been and what I’ve lived. The clubs, dates, friendships, money, and everything I have been indulging into this point draw no desire from me currently, but in looking back it all feels like a psychosocial case study and it is time to examine the research. I have been writing poetry in excess and reading Dante’s Divine Comedy, it just feels like a mindful and prosperous time.
I wonder though how many other people this happens to. The cravings for overindulgence and to live in excess, feel every emotion, exist only as a pool for experiences, and then suddenly nothing but peace and creativity. The intrapersonal contrast between living and thinking. It doesn’t seem like I’m the kind of person who can do both at the same time. I know that some people do best with writing and thinking while they are active and engaged, but I love to live in the moment and then go back to it later once all has settled to get my truest feelings on the matter. I don’t think I could get back from a night out and write a sprawling poem on the state of the world.
I never know what to call these phases though, I have them relatively inconsistently. During the last two, I wrote a poetry book. I just feel removed from my distractions and ego and able to clearly convey my ideas. All I know is that whatever they may be, they incite so much peace. I find myself free of grudges, crushes, and self-pity. I am just a vessel to deliver my experiences now.

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