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Entries 53
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Laughing it all away in A transparent lockbox
Last night and tonight while washing my face, I broke out into uncontrollable laughter. Last night was just about some experiences I’ve had with dating, like a man offering to drive an hour on th...
Questions of Toxicity in A transparent lockbox
There has been something about today that has made me think about different aspects of myself. Everything has felt relatively fast, action-packed, and intense in all I’ve done. I was listening to...
Titles in A transparent lockbox
Tonight all I can seem to think about are titles and projections. Just all the things we are told we are, or are said about us, and the implications of those things. All the things that are arbit...
Creative Phenomenon in A transparent lockbox
I am currently experiencing a personal phenomenon. There has been a palpable shift progressing in my mind for months now, but I feel it fully at this moment. There is just this overwhelming sense...
Dichotomy of Partying in A transparent lockbox
I met up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while, they were around for the holiday. The experience was overall unpleasant I’ll say. My friend brought her new man along to introduce him; to be ...
Too practical in A transparent lockbox
Sometimes I am reminded of the variation of the human mind. I have witnessed some people in my life who are said to be smart, but they aren’t very intelligent. I have a half-sister who did a degr...
Abstinent in A transparent lockbox
It is the season of getting drunk with the family. I have been sober since July. I tend to do the extremes in life, in that I am all or nothing. There have been too many moments of embarrassment ...
In the mall in A transparent lockbox
Something has reignited in me after years, suddenly I can’t help but to begin writing creatively again. Maybe it is due to the frequent journaling that has allowed my thoughts to breathe and refo...
As a fetish in A transparent lockbox
Recently something has been brought to my attention. My appearance is androgynous, it isn’t something that I consciously fostered, it is just what I’m drawn to I guess. There have just been more ...
Questionable Desire in A transparent lockbox
I’ve made it through so much of my life being quiet and unrecognizable, but suddenly for the first time in my life, I have the desire to be known. Just for my peers to see who I am I guess, and t...
Hypersensitivity in A transparent lockbox
I feel so abruptly raw sometimes. When I touch the cloth and the fabrics I feel like it becomes part of me, and I feel each microscopic texture that is on it. When the wind is howling in this dis...
Blue November, Mindless Hunger in A transparent lockbox
Whenever I go to the city, I worry that I will run into the only guy I ever thought I liked. If we are being honest, he’s a guy I didn’t know very well. We talked every day for a month and a half...
Fragility in A transparent lockbox
Something I am always trying to understand is the depth of my emotional vulnerability. So many times, I feel so fragile and like I can be seen through, but it’s only within my own little world. W...
Rusting Gold in A transparent lockbox
Everything seems so amazing when it’s new and fresh. Living alone, making your own money, entering a new part of the world socially, but it all can fall quickly. There’s this side of life where y...
Identity loss in A transparent lockbox
So much of my identity growing up was defined by being different. It wasn’t intentional. It was just because I lacked so much of the desire that others my age had. I despised all forms of parties...
Evolutionary Response? in A transparent lockbox
Why is it that sometimes when we are confronted with emotionally challenging and frankly depressing situations, we can feel amazing initially? Like in a situation where you are told you aren’t go...
Again in A transparent lockbox
I’m unsure why I repeat the same things that always finish the same way. Except I do know, but it seems endlessly impossible to resist for longer than months. I find I want to connect with people...
For all that I am in A transparent lockbox
I’m unsure why, but repeatedly I put myself in situations that invoke nothing but boredom. I find myself chronically dissatisfied with the things that should be guilty pleasures, but from them I ...
wit in A transparent lockbox
I have been going through a time of new self-respect and defining what is important to me. There’s this idea that has been drifting around in my head about how finite everything is, our wit, beau...
A new question. in A transparent lockbox
There is this question that springs into my head at least once a day, at this point it could likely be considered a compulsion. “What if all I leave myself is my sadness?”, I’m not even certain w...
losing in A transparent lockbox
I’m in an interesting place right now, perhaps an unstable one. More and more, I’m able to see the roots of my problems and faults. There are these familiar ties of overindulgence, pride, and mis...
burnout in A transparent lockbox
How much of myself have I sold? When did the flame turn to ash? I can’t help but feel hollow behind my eyes, like a vacant and decaying house. How did I tire myself to this point? I worked too ha...
Thinking about it in A transparent lockbox
I’m unsure why, but I can’t help but think of you all these years later. When I read the news for your area, I’m always afraid the car crash victim might be you, I worry about your house in the s...
It’s Sunday in A transparent lockbox
Found out you mostly want me for my body, found out it’s not worth the worry. You treat me like you need me, pretend that you breathe me, then set yourself free. I’ve learned to let it go a while...
well in A transparent lockbox
I don”t know if you think about me anymore, but whenever I get drunk I think about you. I think you were my first heartbreak. It is really difficult for me to feel close to people and to actually...
