Entries 3,460
Page 55 of 139
apr 4
Build a drum kit entirely out of Gatorade containers and perform as The Electrolyte Orchestra. Your musical about the behind-the-scenes drama behind a cooking show will be called PUREE FOR HO...
apr 3
So this year, I can say that I’m not going to the Saint Patricks Parade in Utica “because I’m afraid of the Corona virus” instead of stating the truth that I don’t care to freeze and then wade ...
apr 2
The optimal name for a pet armadillo is “Pinecone”. Yeah but what if rock n roll doesn’t love you back? Endeavour at all times to remind the world how goddamned weird everything is. The mor...
apr 1
If I just called every country act out there “Cody Codyngton” I’d probably be right like 83% of the time. If you legally change your name to “Serious Inquiries” you’re going to get a leg up o...
mar 31
An adventuring party of five bards that operate under the cover of being a boy band called “Fifth Edition”. Passion is wonderful as a starting point but it’s no end to itself. Passion is inco...
mar 30
Even if you actually thought Woody Allen wasn’t a weapons-grade sex criminal, what a weird hill to die on. He hasn’t had a good idea in years and years, he hasn’t had a new idea in like four de...
mar 29
March 5th? Only 80 days till spring! The rallying cry for waking up before 5 in the am “lets do thos before we talk ourselves out of it!” Order, chaos, law, anarchy, these are all just abst...
mar 28
“How it should be” is a trap laid to stop you from doing anything. The tools you have before you, as they are, what good can you reasonably do with them now? What little improvements can you ma...
mar 27
Some people, if they like formal study, they’re academic. Some people like disease outbreaks, they’re epidemic. But if you like both, you’re pandemic. Your album of Alpine folk covers of Beck...
mar 26
Sadly, the Doctor was never able to fit the Monster with the soft-rock-singing module he’d been constructing for him, the Michael Bolt-On. Are you your body or the blood within? Are you good ...
mar 25
The words we use and how we use them manipulate the very world around us but no amount of words, no matter how precise, could ever define you. A conscious mind is a special case, a micro realit...
mar 24
I wouldn’t call myself a first prize but I’m a lot more than a participation trophy. I’m a hell of an honourable mention. The perfect name for a twee soft alt rock band from northern New York...
mar 23
If you tell someone something, they probably won’t believe it if it doesn’t match their preconceptions or, at best, they’ll only understand it on a surface level. If you hide it in a riddle the...
mar 22
No, I can’t say that I have faith in the American electorate at large. Faith, to paraphrase DUNE, is for Sunday meditations and loveplay. Looking at similar cycles in the past and seeing how th...
mar 21
I look forward to the day Taylor Swift finally takes to combat with her mortal enemy Taylor Leisurely. Having finally shaken the girl off his trail, the wolf snarked to himself “more like Lit...
mar 20
Part man, part indigestion relief, all cop. BROMOCOP. Part man, part radio ad liner, all cop. PROMOCOP. But that I could convert some of the retail space in Herkimer abandoned due to the Wa...
mar 19
A compilation of the Toronto punk scene called “Oi Canada!”? A parody of Bittersweet Symphony about Transformers built around the phrase “I can change, I can change, I can change, I can chang...
mar 18
If you’re accused of being the Loch Ness monster, are you allegendary? If Robin Hood was the Prince of Thieves, was his dad the Burglarking? A hip-hop version of RENT called BOHEMIAN RAP CI...
mar 17
Of course Hubbard’s western has characters named Mart Kincaid and Gar Malone in it. Those are exactly the names a disordered mind would think belongs in an oater. People seem to have forgotte...
mar 16
Hopefully whenever we get to the point that McDonalds puts little dents in the Chicken McGriddles and call ‘em McChicken McWaffles, we’ll finally be rid of this stunt food fad for a while. A ...
mar 15
UNPOPULAR EMOTIONAL REACTION: Often, the cringe of THE OFFICE was not cathartic insofar as similar feelings in life, rather doubled them down and made me feel worse. The god of wine and thund...
mar 14
Trump is torn on whether to pardon Weinstein, of course. He’ll do nearly anything to protect a fellow wealthy sex-criminal but doesn’t want to accidentally alienate his core base of frothing an...
mar 13
I’ve had too much privilege, too many advantages to have a right to be angry. I’ll leave being angry about the world to the people who have the right to be, I’m going to stick with alternating ...
mar 12
UNPOPULAR OPINION: In most cases, gravy just covers over the core deliciousness of a food with greasy unctuousness. There are exceptions but most of the time, if something is well-prepared, gra...
mar 11
A thrash punk cover of Mad World could really punish. You know, of all the lines to identify with in RENT, the writer probably didn’t intend “I’m a New Yorker, fear’s my life” as one of those...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
