Entries 3,144
Page 12 of 126
n 11
A vampire of short stature called Gnome Chompski. That “Wake Me Up” song by Evanescence but with the lyrics from A-Ha’s “Take On Me”. “TAKE ON ME! ya da ya da ya TAKE ME ON! ya da ya da ya” ...
n 9
Why say “pasta magnate” when you can say “penne royalty”? An adaptation of the King Solomon story called “To Halve And To Hold”. Trying to drive in a sleet storm is an obstruction of just i...
n 7
The world is so bonkers, you can be sitting in a pharmacy waiting for a vaccination & someone will walk up to you & try to talk you out of it, just to validate their worldview. Like, if...
n 5
I hope your significant other says your name the same way Youtube Preppers say “kit” and “system”. “It appears that Victor’s flesh golem is a mute.” “That,” Van Helsing replied, “goes without...
n 3
The liquor store whose lotto was always down, gone now, only vulgar doodles in its window dust left as epitaph. There is a seemingly closed auto shop near the Mohawk/Ilion line called “Frank’...
n 1
SWEATY TODD: THE DEMON PERSONAL TRAINER OF FLEET STREET I mean, someone must’ve written a story about a vampire private investigator called STAKE OUT or at least a cattle-rustling noir called...
o 30
A white guy rapper named Two Podcasts For Sure. He definitely has at least two podcasts. There are not enough artistic interpretations of The Hamburglar as a raccoon creature. Sell regular ...
o 28
Difficult to not look back on my life as an almost endless string of amazing opportunities I botched through indecision or fear of hurting others to get what I want. But every new day’s a new c...
o 26
Last night’s nightmare involved having to take the Math regents as an adult while a virus that scrambled peoples’ emotional responses was tearing through the community. You ask “Mike, why don’t...
o 24
You know, we could start a whole new Kenny Rogers themed coffee chain, in the ashes of his chicken chain, and still use the name “Kenny Rogers Roasters”. It would still work perfectly. If you...
o 22
A parody of “Lido Shuffle” about Ghostbusters 2’s Vigo The Carpathian. I am now old enough where people younger than me are getting their musical nostalgia tours with a bunch of early 2000s p...
o 20
An interesting thing about the porn-sick is the baseline they judge attractiveness on. A sane person would judge it at “the median of people who would voluntarily get naked for me in person”. B...
o 18
A discount electronics store called Circuits Peanuts. Gluten God: The Demon Baker Of Wheat Street. Funko Pops are just plastic NFTs. Vampire fashion is static, unchanging, neither newfang...
o 16
The optimal title for an album is “Self-Doubt Helps Us Not Be Monsters”. A great name for a band is “Lip Glossolalia”. When food does a strip tease, that’s just rice peel-off. Y’know, at ...
o 14
If you really cared about music, you wouldn’t be complaning about Lizzo’s flute, you would be helping me find and destroy the six cursed puka shell necklaces that bind the demon Dave Matthews t...
o 12
A parody of GNR’s “Double Talkin’ Jive” about apple picking? Considering how ambiguous the gender of a puppet really is, I sort of like calling the muppet band The Electric Theythem. If you...
o 10
I despise when news stories about disasters are like “500,000 Customers Without Power”. They’re not customers. We are not customers. We’re people. Those are people without power. In this case, ...
o 8
Dan Brown doesn’t know for history at all, Dan Brown doesn’t know for history at all, Dan Brown doesn’t know for history at all, his bullshit marches ooooooooonnnnn.... In my long line of pot...
o 6
Sadly, “Watching The Detectives” didn’t start a trend of true-crime shows with reggae-inflected theme-songs because “No Body, No Crime” would’ve been pretty fun. You can tell her heart isn’t ...
o 4
How many people did see semi-regularly before COVID, kept up with well online but have seen rarely in person over the last 2 years, that only go by their first & middle names online, how ma...
o 2
I figure since I’m the last human being alive that hasn’t been rumoured to play Doctor Doom, hey, might as well pretend I’m in the running too. DAMN. YOU. RICHARDS!!! How’s that? For all the ...
sep 30
A song called “Last Easter” by a band called Sacrificial Wham. A parody of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” about Mad Max: Fury Road. A parody of “Up on Cripple Creek” about OnlyFans involving...
sept 28
In Soviet Russia, camp went to ERNEST. Everyone’s always getting pedantic or metaphysical about who we should call Frankenstein when the real truth is that Big Head Todd was the REAL monster ...
sept 26
A semi-autobiographical novel about being a burnt-out former Gifted and Talented late-Gen-Xer in the post COVID hellscape called “The Trauma Bums”. A creation bard who worked as a sideshow ba...
sept 24
When wrestling had Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Jesse “The Body” Ventura, at best, at very best, I could’a been “The Limbic System”. If you’re mostly a martial character but you pick up a lit...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
