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Page 108 of 139

1.) Instead of having “JUICY” written on the butt of your pants, why not “THE END IS REAR”? 2.) Why must they be war thogs? Why can’t they be peace thogs or, at least, conscientious objector thog...

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1.) Your Ninja Turtles/Shakespeare mash-up will lean heavily upon the word “Thouabunga”. 2.) A million dollars is cool. You know what’s REALLY cool? A movie called THE WORF OF WALL STREET. 3.) Wh...

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1.) I understand that Ariana Grande is some kind of… pop singer?… but I choose to believe it is actually a drink at Starbucks. 2.) When our culture is dead and buried “Content continues below adv...

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1.) The 3rd Three Ninjas movie should’ve had MC Hammer play the villain and should’ve been called “Three Ninjas Three: Three Legit Three Quit”. 2.) Discovery Health should do a reality show about...

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1.) You can’t stop violence with more violence any more than you can stop ignorance with more ignorance or darkness with more dark. In the end, the opposite of war is civilization. Even “good” ca...

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1.) The only upside to this election cycle is watching libertarians and Ivy League conservatives admit that all the GOP has left is race-hate. 2.) The Marcy Playground parody in my head with the ...

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1.) Half the population of Earth is confirmed to be in the cast of SPIDER-MAN HOMECOMING. You might be signed and not even know it. 2.) The best name for a stripper of Middle Eastern descent woul...

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1.) BREXIT is a reminder that, yes, ANYBODY BUT TRUMP because idiots WILL vote against their own self interest out of racism. 2.) If Dora REALLY wanted Swiper to stop swiping, she’d start calling...

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1.) If it ain’t crucibroke, don’t crucifix it. 2.) Your MTV cartoon/Italian giallo horror film mash-up will be called Daria Argento. 3.) A parody of the Fiona Apple song “Criminal” about sublimin...

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1.) You know what’s fun to say but boring as a concept? Coldplay Cosplay. 2.) Survivors of the apocalypse battle rampaging hoards of Pillsbury Doughboys in THE WALKING BREAD. 3.) When you start w...

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1.) Love is a yearning disability. 2.) Your minimalist post-rock band is good but not good enough. Close but no Sigur Ros. 3.) Did you post your solstice rituals up on SnapChant? 4.) Start naming...

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1.) Fossil examples of the Michaelceratops are often confused with those of the Jesseeisenbergadon. 2.) “PewDiePie” is actually Swedish for “Forced And Annoying”. 3.) The most successful Scandina...

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1.) A down on-his-luck Scott Baio has to move in with the only person who will take him back, his furry brother, in BRONIE LOVES CHACHI. 2.) The plot to ANT-MAN was a series of microaggressions. ...

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1.) If your character literally has to state “This party’s crazy!” in a film trailer, you have failed at your job. Please stop making things. 2.) I’m disappointed to discover that the “Don’t Mess...

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1.) Only now, this late in the game, have I realized how eerily similar looking Meatloaf and Quentin Tarantino are. 2.) If you can manage to defeat Oprah in a two-player Dr. Mario match, it is im...

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1.) I try to write jokes, poems, revise old things but another night I am up in the bleary hours, doing nothing but grieving the gunslaughtered. 2.) When you gain the power to shapeshift and use ...

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1.) Do you know Maguffins, man/Maguffins, man/Maguffins, man/Do you know Maguffins, man/they make plots go as planned 2.) The cat will spend hours outside stalking a chipmunk but if there’s a mou...

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1.) I am livid with this country this culture with the excuses livid with the whole goddamn thing. Cowboy fairytales are put above our lives. 2.) Using Velveeta in your fondue is a fondon’t. 3.) ...

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1.) When even hope has been exhausted, love can rise up and take back the day. Love is the closest thing we have to the miraculous. 2.) Twitter is a place where you go to tell thousands of total ...

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1.) Basically, the premise of Tarzan is that to be the best at being from Africa, you have to start off white. Jesus Christ. 2.) America is a bottle of acetaminophen with a big label stating as s...

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1.) The scorches by the pinwheels at the firework display are better known as groundshow marks. 2.) When checking baseball scores if there’s soccer scores too, I love how Argentina is shortened t...

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1.) I wanted the subtitle to be “Passion Of The Christ 2: Rise Of The Silver Surfer”. 2.) In lighter news, watching Paul Ryan (a monster but a smart monster) have to pretend Trump isn’t an idiot ...

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1.) A fanfiction where House M.D. is a time-traveling wizard who goes back to the start of Hogwarts and founds House House. 2.) A country and western fundraiser for Trump’s campaign would be a ha...

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1.) You gotta be crazy enough to see the world differently but sane enough to report your findings cogently back to the normies. It’s a balance. 2.) It’s like America was a sitcom that was strong...

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1.) I wonder if anyone ever just said to Idi Amin “EDIE?! THAT’S A GIRL’S NAME!” as the weirdest suicide-by-cop ever. 2.) The problem with listening to experimental music on youtube is you never ...

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