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1.) If they admit its heartless for us to go w/out health care they have to admit the same of education, housing, etc & their whole house falls. 2.) If there’s a mark of the Beast if there’s ...

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1.) A Primus parody “MY NAME IS FUDD”? 2.) no harm will come to you/know harm will come to you/no, harm will come to you/know harm, we’ll come to you/no harm, welcome to you 3.) It’s a good thing...

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1.) Pilots have altimeter motives. 2.) Seven billion sexes, seven billion genders, seven billion ethnicities, seven billion faiths or lacks-thereof, seven billion lifespans… 3.) Who? You. What? T...

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1.) After finding out a local won the Non-Fiction Pulitzer for writing about female sheep, everyone started chanting “EWE ESS-AY, EWE ESSAY!” 2.) Your terrible comedy about shipwrecked stoners wh...

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1.) A documentary about Ken Burns? WE HAVE REACHED META-BURNS. 2.) When the elder Baggins briefly shifted into the monster face over The Ring, did that make him a double-sided Bilbo? 3.) Disney w...

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1.) If you know any women who could be described as “Bjork but six foot one” please forward them my contact information. 2.) Step one: create a perfume that smells like bread called “eau de pain”...

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1.) I am a hell of a particularly shaped puzzle piece, I do not fit many places but where I will fit, I will fit spectacularly. 2.) Trump’s so anti-intellectual he hates his own intelligence offi...

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1.) The four best porn stars will be carved into the side of Mt Thrustmore. The four best tweeters will be carved into Mt Cleverest. 2.) Don’t bother spending money on facebook ads for your psych...

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1.) The feud between rival schools of circus cannonball-men was later known as “The Human Missile Crisis”. 2.) Been lingering in reruns for a while now. Maybe my life will get picked up by a stre...

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1.) A powerful ally difference is/life creates it makes it grow/difference surrounds us binds us/liminal beings are we, not these false binaries 2.) I await the tweet where the fake president spe...

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1.) A Neil Young parody “After The Lunch Rush”? 2.) Nightmare where my computer was being hacked by Christian ransomware. Also, I could fly? 3.) BE the future liberals want. 4.) Was there ever a ...

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1.) Your film about a station wagon that goes to a college campus and kills will be called THE HATCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME. 2.) People on the radio talking about “the draft” and you wonder “what did ...

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1.) You’re buying a terrible fast food sub for convenience’s sake. Taking the time to “toast” it to make it slightly less bad fools no one. 2.) Wart removal, get into that, it’s a growth industry...

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1.) Everybody’s always talking about independent contractors but codependent contractors are always willing to help. 2.) Quicken Loans was named after someone trying not to cure about frickin’ lo...

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1.) Your comedy about a vampire gambler will be called HIGH STAKES. 2.) Maybe I am driftwood, trying to take the shape of me. Maybe I do drift good but I’m trying to find a place to be. 3.) Weird...

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1.) IRC Chat: Getting Back To Your W00ts. 2.) Pretend to confuse “quinoa balls” and “Ben Wa balls” whenever you can. 3.) Ardent Rue McClanahan devotees are known as Blanche-Davidians. 4.) Step 1:...

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1.) Heavy jet-lag but enjoying spending time with my brother. Watched a VHS from 1990 where Count Floyd tells you how to make funny home movies. 2.) Tony Levin played bass on Warren Zevon’s “Hit ...

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1.) Your acrobatic axe-fighting superhero will be called LimberJack. 2.) been all kinds of places/the benefit of no destination/got postcards & pennants I have saved/I hope to get more before...

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1.) I hate when I’m having a nice dream then I remember the implications in my real life of the niceness and have to disengage. 2.) So many content providers, so few contentment providers. 3.) So...

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1.) I often wonder how much my needs/desires/viewpoint are shaped by running on the operating system of late 20th century American English. 2.) Events remind us that if someone’s screwed up and m...

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1.) Fraternity reunions are full of brostalgia. 2.) All in all, my voice would be best suited to a doom-metal Built To Spill cover band. Probably called “Built To Kill” I dunno. 3.) Our first Pre...

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8.) If your car’s got two flat tires, don’t worry, it’s still got a couple of goodyears left. 9.) Then there was of course that hit vegan country song “Don’t Sell Me No Thighs And Keep Your Ham T...

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1.) Your diner/weed dispensary will be called THE HASH HOUSE. 2.) If I had to be a judge-themed wrestler, I’d definitely name myself “City Hall” so that I could yell “YOU CAN’T FIGHT CITY HALL!” ...

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1.) On the one hand, here are all the good things I have screwed up and lost. On the other hand, despite all that, here I am still breathing. 2.) Your horror movie set in the 70s will be called F...

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1.) Really, Dunkin, why would I want a coffee that tastes like a brownie? Couldn’t I just eat a brownie while drinking my coffee? 2.) A nightmare with every woman I’ve dated or had a serious crus...

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