Entries 61
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None of my Business
So I’ve been struggling with these thoughts not knowing if it’s a good idea to write them here. Having no idea who might be reading this, but I figure I’ll just say fuck it and go ahead. So if yo...
A Day at a Time
My brains not having an easy time of it today. Hormones are a factor. Stress is a factor. But ultimately what it comes down to is that bad days are inevitable so let’s do that positivity thing ag...
Then the Clouds Rolled In
And then my mother walked in and destroyed the beautiful sun, covering the sky with cloud. No sunset, no beautiful storm, just ugly grey clouds. She’s ridiculous. Absolutely no fucks given for pe...
Overthinking, Sunlight, and Monsters
The show was amazing on a whole new level. But of course now I’m overthinking every social encounter I had the entire night, like I do. Jay jumped off the stage and proposed to his girlfriend an...
Show time
Its not time to get ready for the show yet but I’ve been mentally getting ready for days. Feels like I cant breathe. Not literally just mentally. Haven’t been sleeping well and I’m probably gonna...
Practicing Positivity
Not feeling very positive today so I’m here to practice. I’m gonna leave put all the bad stuff. Only positive statements. Here goes. I’m talking to a really cute girl who seems interested in me....
Epiphany
The truest realizations about life can be hard to handle. I had a breakthrough or two the last couple days and I figured it might be wise to write them down. Maybe it’ll be an entry of more subst...
Cant sleep
Couldn’t sleep yesterday. Cant sleep again today. I can pretend its because I’m sick, but truth be told, everytime I close my eyes I’m back at summer camp and Jay’s making me cry for the first ti...
Just Wasting My Time..
So I drove all the way here. Five and a half hours. Messed up my hotel reservation, had 200 bucks go missing from my account, exposed my son to covid and didnt even get to see Jay. His band pulle...
Flaw of the Mind
Communication. Communication. Something I seem to be failing at. I’ve been told from the very beginning. Need to work on this. Need to do it better. ADHD. Emotional instability. I’m sick of my o...
34 sucks
My birthday started off with tears. Continued with the information that we arent doing Thanksgiving tomorrow. So I went and got all the Thanksgiving shit to do it myself. Seems like I have to do ...
Hello Depression My Old Friend
Been super depressed lately. Everything that’s going on has hit me pretty hard. I’m always a little down right before my birthday. Historically a day thats gone unmarked since kindergarten. Every...
Wtf life
Just found out both my parents have covid. And a friend from back home. We are supposed to be going to have thanksgiving there. And my birthday. And to see Jay for the last time. Now my options a...
Wierd shit I do
An old schoolmate can p on people you might now on facebook. Added him. We started chatting. I ended up pouring my heart out about all the ahit that’s happened the last couple years. Didnt really...
Hey Jay
Remember when you used to steal my diary and read it? When you used to watch me? When you used to want to know every little thing happening in my life? When you couldn’t get enough of me? I wish ...
When Things Get Bad, They Get Worse
Looks like I’ve passed my mental illness to my son. I always knew it would happen but I thought it wouldnt happen this soon. Hes only 8. Friday at school I got a call from the nurse saying that h...
Treading Water
I feel incredibly uncomfortable with my current living arrangments but the chances of being able to save a new deposit for a place seem bleak, not to mention the cost of moving itself. And of cou...
Everything
Everything is getting to me today. I know none of it’s actually aimed at me but it still feels like it is. I wish I could turn that part if my brain off. Suddenly I’m too exhausted to have anythi...
Just When I Thought it Was Over
It got bad again today. I tried really hard to fight it this time. I avoided hard. Every time I see your pictures now or here your voice recorded it doesnt soothe me anymore. Because I know soon ...
Talking to Jay
Jay’s band is disbanding. Over Thanksgiving break they will have their last show. And since it’s been the only place I can talk to him, this will be my last chance to do so. After this I will pro...
Change
Kerrie has been super affectionate lately. Spent the night last night and she was all over me. I’m just not ready for that. I like her but I think shes already getting atatched to the idea of me ...
I Must be Crazy
I’m about to move in with a cute girl I’ve known less than a week. And her kids. And her ex wife. And for some reason it all seems pretty peaceful and chill. This is probably a terrible idea. But...
Cute Girl
Met a cute girl on Bumble a few days ago. Now we are going over for dinner tomorrow and discussing the possibility of my son and I moving in. I’ve heard of uhaul on the 2nd date but this is madne...
I dont feel like it
I dont feel like hosting a party and being a Mistress and finding an apartment and getting back to work. I dont feel like fending off a somewhat innapropriate boss and fighting with case managers...
To My Stalker
I started watching a show on Netflix about a stalker. I think it’s called ‘You’. It reminded me hands down of Jay. . . And made me miss him. So heres the thing. I know he’d be thrilled to death t...
Book Description
This book has been created to celebrate another new chapter in my life whereby I moved away and tried to give myself distance from the recurrence of trauma as much as possible.
