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Page 4 of 63

I decided to open up Credit Karma, and I was shocked to see that my credit score dropped 84 pts. A collections notice was reported this month for an electrical bill worth $1295. That ain’t my bi...

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The world is asleep. I was up before 4 AM. I’ve never felt such peace before. No pain or pleasure. No dread or pressure. The world can wait. Life can wait just that much longer. This time last...

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The government hurt my people. Why would we want to vote for more government? They said point-blank that they wanted us to be dependent on them. That is why they killed the buffalo. Every time w...

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At this point, I think it is just evident that my depression is not a mindset issue but a metabolic one. Monday was a perfect day. I got to spend it alone. I spent it lying in the sun. I took ...

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Pain feels real, does that mean it is honest? Faith feels false, does that mean it is a liar? Existential fatigue. That is today’s mood forecast. I put in so much effort and get no reward. Mayb...

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I’ve hit the real stage of withdrawal, according to ChatGPT. My body is now realizing that it has to produce its own energy. This explains why I am so unhinged. My body can’t even run on fumes, ...

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Coffee makes me a better person. Dear Log: It’s been two weeks without coffee. Feeling homocidal. I was completely unhinged yesterday. I used to say that I would never quit coffee because it m...

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We were setting up for our program today when we noticed that our Assistant Director had taken all of our ceremony supplies. Our Eagle fans and all of our medicines, etc. When the rest of the of...

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Today is going to be long and full of terrors. The only thing I can do right is sleep. That has not been the case since I quit coffee. I’m waking up every three hours to void my bladder. I’m ou...

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My roommate has her first fight on Saturday. I am hoping that she gets her ass handed to her! I’m not bitter, I’m unsweetened. Is basically my personality’s slogan. Today, however, I am just b...

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I figure I should journal it out. I feel deflated and defeated today. Same old, same old. It was a day like today that made me quit coffee. I am being hard on myself, I know it. Nothing has ch...

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Dear Log: Today is day 6 without coffee. There have been zero casualties thus far. Yesterday, the brain fog was at 20%. Moods have stabilized, and there was no crash in my energy. If yesterday w...

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Boring life, boring entry. Today is my third day without coffee. There haven’t been any casualties of whore yet. My roommate is in close proximity so I have been avoiding her. The brain fog sho...

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The wellness world pisses me off. It’s like we got stuck in a loop of just journal your cortisol away! Meanwhile, stress hormones are being pumped out like it’s a full-time job because of sleep ...

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I injured myself at the park the other day. We finally had spring weather so we took our participants outside and I wiped out playing on the scooter. I’m still in a lot of pain but I pushed thro...

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Life was in slow motion the last few days. That Trauma Support training hallowed me out. The elder who led the workshop changed a few fundamental beliefs that I had. My mind had to grieve the ol...

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“I need to reduce my stress hormones to make room for dopamine.” That line stuck with me. ADHD is a dopamine deficiency that I have and want to understand. This line came from the elder I learn...

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Something has shifted in the winds, brother. My emotional waters are calm, but I can feel the undercurrent. It could pull me under if I let it. My emotional world confuses me. I don’t have acce...

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Well, I made HR cry today. After we took our participants out to do some archery, we brought them back to the office. It is spring break so we get to see them during the day. They’re used to h...

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I’m tired of pretending that we’re okay. I don’t even want to talk about it. I’m trying to get over it. At the end of grieving is acceptance. That’s where I am with the work drama. My Communica...

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Our communications director called a family meeting yesterday. He told us that he got an email explaining that our Youth Program Manager and Wellness Director will not be returning from leave. ...

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I love surprises… NOT! My program does not run on Mondays so that we can be available for our participants on the weekend. It is spring break, so we are in today. HR came and set up shop in our...

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It’s like my inner world and outer world are not synced up. I caught myself going through the motions this morning. Whatever that even means. My mind is preoccupied with the stress of that pho...

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I knew that the shock would wear off so I made sure I had a soft landing. Whenever my mind tried to assign meaning or play out the worst-case scenario, I was able to remind myself that they wer...

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Now I’m back to this song on repeat. It’s like when you match the frequency of glass, it breaks. When I ignore the lyrics to this song, it matches the frequency of the pressure I feel when a...

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