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I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. Sorry for the dramatic opening line, but it fits. I am overwhelmed by all the free time that I have during my two-week holiday. I have ADHD, so if ...

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My coordinator gave me a hug before we left work yesterday. Well, it’s been a year. He said to me. We start our holidays. I felt melancholy after that, on my drive through a storm to my friend’s...

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I don’t know what to say, butI feel like I need to check in. First things first, I’ll give an update on my mother. She’s fine. Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Must have been anxi...

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Once upon a time, my mother waited a whole long weekend to tell us that she got in a bad car accident because she didn’t want to ruin our weekend. I was so pissed. Today, she didn’t plan on tel...

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It wasn’t the content in my life making me miserable; it was the context. I gave 13 years of my life to a job that I hated. I was quite comfortable there, but miserable. I was the Assistant Man...

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I am so shook. They fired someone yesterday who was awesome, right before Christmas, too. Nothing about it makes sense, but it never does until they are replaced by someone who knows the Executi...

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It’s a blast from the past, using my old OpenDiary name. I needed to come up with something quick. It’s what I call my dating disorder. I even dug up an ancient selfie from way back when. My M...

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I reported some of the greatest hits (comments) that my Stan had written over the years, and Prosebox blocked her from the website. Some of my content can be polarising, and I’ve received my fai...

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Oops… I did it again On the weekend, I noticed how my drama and upsets at work were not eating away at me. My week ended pretty decently. Then I got curious about whether I could change that. I...

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All work and no play I can name my patterns, my fears, my overwhelm, my ADHD dysregulation, my burnout, my dissociation under pressure, my avoidance loops, my spiritual coping mechanisms, and m...

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When I say that my roommate is like a phantom to me, a spectre of the worst version of myself that haunts me, that demon has a name. Puer Aeternus - the eternal boy. Maybe I had some clarity d...

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I’m not the same person. I’m in my Karen era. Maybe this is my toxic male era? I have no patience for anything right now. I keep snapping at people. I woke up enraged about work. Why am I even...

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Perhaps I needed a reminder that mental illness can be paralytic. I forgot what the weight feels like. Emotions have mass. I can bench press a lot, but I’m not invincible. After that 5-day fast...

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I feel like I’m coming off a 5-day reset, not just a fast. The other night, I had a dream in which an entity was possessing my body. It woke me up, just as it was entering. I was convulsing an...

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If I can do it on my desktop, I deleted it from my phone. I added an extension to my browser to block adult sites. This detox is going to be hard. It’s the final boss. 10 years ago, I quit cig...

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My psychological dramas are built on the idea that I am a man of inaction. I have to fact-check myself. I am a man of action—just all the wrong actions. I don’t have an inertia problem; I have a...

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A little suffering is good for the soul I’m on day 3 of a 5-day fast. I’m on day 9 of quitting caffeine. I have to remind myself why I’m doing this. That shaman I saw in February, he didn’t k...

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Every time you overshare, you give away a piece of your energy, clarity, and soul. True insights, goals, and personal growth need time to develop privately—like seeds in the dark. Speaking too s...

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I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in my life, but I have writer’s block. I’m caught between two identities. The story I’ve been living is beginning to crumble. I’ve lost the plot. The lin...

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In my previous entry, I stated that English does not have the requisite words to encapsulate how miserable I was yesterday. English does have the requisite words. One word sums it all up. . . . ...

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Yesterday was long and full of terrors English does not have the requisite words to encapsulate how miserable I was yesterday. I had a horrible sleep, so I knew it was going to be bad, but I di...

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All work and no play makes TL a dull boy Woke up mid dream, and now I can’t fall back asleep. I dreamt I was filling in a funder about everything going on at work. There is nothing new to ponde...

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Nothing beats a Jet2Holiday It’s so hilarious. My coordinator thought he was escaping my program, but they gave him the other one, making him a coordinator of two programs. His problems just co...

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We are moving our office at the end of the month. I spent my last two shifts packing up my program. It is 80% done. My coordinator played with his guitar for those two days. We have an annual ...

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Ever wake up blissed out? I took a little bit of time off from work so I could look at my situation from a safe space. Thursday was my first day back at the office. I was feeling so low. I was ...

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