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Oops… I did it again On the weekend, I noticed how my drama and upsets at work were not eating away at me. My week ended pretty decently. Then I got curious about whether I could change that. I...

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All work and no play I can name my patterns, my fears, my overwhelm, my ADHD dysregulation, my burnout, my dissociation under pressure, my avoidance loops, my spiritual coping mechanisms, and m...

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When I say that my roommate is like a phantom to me, a spectre of the worst version of myself that haunts me, that demon has a name. Puer Aeternus - the eternal boy. Maybe I had some clarity d...

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I’m not the same person. I’m in my Karen era. Maybe this is my toxic male era? I have no patience for anything right now. I keep snapping at people. I woke up enraged about work. Why am I even...

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Perhaps I needed a reminder that mental illness can be paralytic. I forgot what the weight feels like. Emotions have mass. I can bench press a lot, but I’m not invincible. After that 5-day fast...

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I feel like I’m coming off a 5-day reset, not just a fast. The other night, I had a dream in which an entity was possessing my body. It woke me up, just as it was entering. I was convulsing an...

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If I can do it on my desktop, I deleted it from my phone. I added an extension to my browser to block adult sites. This detox is going to be hard. It’s the final boss. 10 years ago, I quit cig...

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My psychological dramas are built on the idea that I am a man of inaction. I have to fact-check myself. I am a man of action—just all the wrong actions. I don’t have an inertia problem; I have a...

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A little suffering is good for the soul I’m on day 3 of a 5-day fast. I’m on day 9 of quitting caffeine. I have to remind myself why I’m doing this. That shaman I saw in February, he didn’t k...

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Every time you overshare, you give away a piece of your energy, clarity, and soul. True insights, goals, and personal growth need time to develop privately—like seeds in the dark. Speaking too s...

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I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in my life, but I have writer’s block. I’m caught between two identities. The story I’ve been living is beginning to crumble. I’ve lost the plot. The lin...

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In my previous entry, I stated that English does not have the requisite words to encapsulate how miserable I was yesterday. English does have the requisite words. One word sums it all up. . . . ...

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Yesterday was long and full of terrors English does not have the requisite words to encapsulate how miserable I was yesterday. I had a horrible sleep, so I knew it was going to be bad, but I di...

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All work and no play makes TL a dull boy Woke up mid dream, and now I can’t fall back asleep. I dreamt I was filling in a funder about everything going on at work. There is nothing new to ponde...

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Nothing beats a Jet2Holiday It’s so hilarious. My coordinator thought he was escaping my program, but they gave him the other one, making him a coordinator of two programs. His problems just co...

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We are moving our office at the end of the month. I spent my last two shifts packing up my program. It is 80% done. My coordinator played with his guitar for those two days. We have an annual ...

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Ever wake up blissed out? I took a little bit of time off from work so I could look at my situation from a safe space. Thursday was my first day back at the office. I was feeling so low. I was ...

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I forced myself to be productive yesterday. I avoided the doom scrolling. Today, I am feeling upset, but I have reasons to be so; I am creating space for it. This wasn’t on my agenda, but what c...

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Vinidictiveness and spite are old friends of mine Anger is where I am in my grieving process. Denial, sadness, and bargaining, I’ve already burned through. We’ll see how I channel this one. Gri...

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The last several weeks were long and full of terrors. Virginia, a coordinator of a different program, walked out and quit. She was in a meeting with HR and her managers. The meeting was going ...

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I feel like I need to write, but I don’t know what to write. Still going through the motions. It was nice to see my boys at work. I said that I wouldn’t like the decisions my coordinator would...

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Alright, so our Youth Manager told me that there is a coordinator position opening up soon for a youth program that has a different age bracket than mine, but he couldn’t tell me more than that....

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Yesterday, near the end of the afternoon, I started to feel very sad. Heartbroken, even. I was playing a song from my brother’s playlist, and I started to really miss him and my nephews. It took...

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I waited all summer for today. I’m back to my regular shifts at work, which gives me a lot of space from my roommate. Today, I am finally completely free of her. I was in ADHD wait mode, countin...

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BC is beautiful. I got back from my holiday in BC yesterday. Campbell River took my breath away. So did Tofino and Long Beach. My brother drove me all over the island. Potholes, waterfalls, an...

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