Book Description

So im totally bummed that opendiary closed down and i wasnt even informed.... it makes me sad/angry to be honest because two years of my entire life was on that.... my two years that everything changed.... i wishi could have downloaded them to a thumb drive. but o well the OD memory will always be with me.... i have no contact with my friends tho. Paola,Sarah, and Monster....... it make me sad that i will never talk to them agian..... but the memory will last a life time. inplus i kinda created my own reality and i brought my virtual characters to life… in a since… i can be with them psychologically.... but then that makes me sounds crazy…im not crazy.... or am i? who knows maybe its just all in my head.

But June 21st i got a new girlfriend. her name is tamra. Shes like incredible.... idk at first i thought it would be a hitt it and quitt. it kinda moment buttttttt idk her sex took me to paradise.... we played off emotions there for awhile. i thought i was only emotionally in love with her but the more time we spent together i fell harder and harder.... and almost a month later here we are. but even though she make me beyond happy i cant technically love her. ahhhh because Antiqua… thats me… welll one of me i should say....is the christian girl.... she thinks being gay is a sin and that its an abomination to god.... she was raised in the church.... but Sarah, id like to call her. i honestly just named sarah most recently.... it took me awhile to put a name to her.... but sarah is the gay one of me.... shes the one that loves tamra… shes the one who wants to marry her shes the one that wants to be publicly open and be proudly gay..... but she cant because of antiqua.... they are in constant war with each other.... to the point where last night i told tamra i wanted to take a break away from her.... i told her that i cant be gay and that i needed to change.... i even wrote her a letter explaining that we should try to be strong for each other because it was the best for my situation.... so anyways we got into a mini fight… well i wouldnt say fight but we argued and we cried and we held each other. because tamra knows ilove her and she knows how much she makes me happy… but she knows antiqua doesnt want to be gay.. but it ended up with me cutting myself… her cutting herself.... i honestly wanted us both to commit suicide together… so the people that judge and criticize me could know that i was extremly happy.

ahhhh it turns out sarah won because here i am laying beside tamra… ahhhh i love her. but i got to go because im ignoring my girlfriend..... :/ and pretty sure she doesnt like it.... buttttttt i will write more. and more and more!!!!!!

----- #lesbian problems