This day needs to end already.... in #Lesbian Problems

Agust 18 2013
Time 10:18

Ahhhhh I'm falling out of love with my girlfriend. And I'm nervous I don't want to but its happening. And it makes me so sad because I don't know why or how? Apart of me thinks that I was on a high for like 3 months because someone finally wanted me someone wanted to love me someone gave me attention but recently that high is gone and I look at us and I don't see this lasting forever . I mean besides our relationship we really are great friends but idk if I want to date anymore. Like I don't know relationships kinda complex life a lot more. Ex specially when you move on after you guys have only been together for 3 months. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking? But this is what I have always wanted.... This is what I've always dreamed for.... But now that I have it I don't want it. What's wrong with me? Ahhhhh I just wish I could rewind time and go back to the old days were I was single.. But those days were lonely :/ and sad :/ and depressed and I don't want any of that back..... Maybe it's because her and I have had sex on awhile because her periods are soooo irregular and they last for weeks. I think that's a small reason why we're falling apart... Another reason is I think we both just kinda forced this relationship we rushed it and there's just a lot of toxins in this relationship. But she use to make me so happy she use to make me smile from ear to ear.... And now my family is coming back Into my life and I think I rather have them in my life more than a girlfriend but at the same time the family life I use to live made me miserable. I don't know what I want I really don't.... Life sucks cause it's always I want this then I want that then I don't want that and ahhhh I never know what I want I suck at decesions to be honest.... I just got back home and I am just laying here beside my girlfriend and we're sitting by each other in complete utter silence and idk I don't know what to say she's not talking either so... Idk I guess we will continue to sit her in silence and just of ore each other as we play I out phone.... I wish I knew what was happening I wish I knew the answer.... I just want to hide I wanna cry I want to run I want... I don't even know what I want.... Fuck life man. I hate being this confused.

eh I wanna change the subject. I hate my job. I've been there for 2 years now. And nothing has changed. Like for example when I got to work this morning I was in dish room billy had me collect floor stock an hour later when I finished I found out they already gathered it so I had to put it all away. I was so annoyed. That was inconsiderate of them. The bosses should know what's done by the time I get there. then at 2:00 they made me leave dish room and this old lady who's probably in her late 60's named Linda had to do everything by herself that's inconsiderate. Like literally my job doesn't give a fuck about us workers as long as the job gets done they don't care. Then Jamie my supervisor who is a bitch cried like a baby because crystal called off and she didn't wanna be on 2nd north and read menus off to the patients so so she through a hisy fit like she always does and all she had to do was read menus. Laurie the other girl that was withe tonight had to help me gather all of Jamie's shitt because her crying got her out of the work. and on top of that Laurie and Jamie left at 5:30 so I had to do everything for the last hour and a he by myself. I was so annoyed. They know because I'm a good ass worker that I could do it all by myself but once they take advantage of me is when I get pissed off. I hate my job I need to apply for a new one soon because the entire time I'm at work there's nothing but complete nonsense. And i hate always being angry because being angry is negative energy and negative energy is poison. And that shitt is bad for your body. Ugh work. But I'll quitt bitching but at the same time I feel like I'm aloud to vent because I never ever ever vent to anyone because that's just not me not only that is I don't trust anyone. Besides my girlfriend. But ugh life is something else.

But I'll end this entry on a positive note. Once I got off of work I went home to visit my family and I had a good time. Plus my little 11 month old niece Amirah came over and she is my motivation to keep going. She's so darn cute. Like she started walking just recently and ahhhh I love her and she makes me so happy! But I'm gonna get off of here and talk to my girl cause I wanna save us I think :p

Night y'all ii