Just bitching in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019
- Oct. 29, 2019, 10:48 p.m.
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- Public
Here is some more bitching from me on a tired and shitty topic.
You know how I have a full time job? And how, even in slow days, I am at work AT MINIMUM from 7:30 to 5:00? You know how Wife takes two college courses? And how that means she is out of the house for two hours a day? You know how we have a puppy? You know how I am in a play? You know how we have guests coming this weekend?
So… here’s a thing-
Monday and Tuesday… I had to cook dinner. And I scrub cleaned the basement bathroom. And vacuumed the entire basement. Wife changed the sheets on the guest bed and moved her boxes from “all around the basement living room” to “at least a central area”. Unfortunately, Nala destroyed one of the pillows in the basement. Wife went rage-shriekingly insane with rage. Went on a tirade about “needing to watch (her) all day”. Acting as though Nala were behaving in some way personally to fuck up Wife’s life. So… while SHE has the emotional explosion… I solve the damn problem. Vacuum again, get Nala out of the basement, and clean up everything in the basement.
Wife is still red-hot blindingly enraged. So I do research on why Nala may be behaving as she is. (1) She is an almost 11-month old puppy, (2) she is exceedingly intelligent, (3) with me being away for 12 hours a day, Wife is expected to give attention and love and training to the dog… which isn’t happening. So… what solutions might be present? Puzzle Toys, Kenneling, and Quality Time. But of course… a woman “too busy” to make dinner, clean a complete room, or get homework done in under 9 hours… can’t be arsed to even so much as put the dog in the kennel.
But here is the thing: I’ve watched Wife with the dog. Wife is absolutely head over heels for this puppy. And now I get it. Everything is conditional. She loves the dog, just so long as the dog doesn’t have any needs. She loves me, just so long as I don’t have any needs. She loves the house, just so long as it doesn’t have any needs. I will need to revisit this issue in our NEXT next couple’s counseling
I get that Wife has issues. And I’m not required to stay with her just because of those issues. But it really does weigh on me. Like… if she is AUTISTIC or has a serious *condition * that prevents her from managing her life? Leaving her for that would be like leaving someone for getting paralyzed. But if it something like depression or anxiety or something that requires medication and therapy and she just isn’t doing that? That is more like someone who broke both of their legs but refuses to stop using the wheelchair when their legs have healed.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ October 30, 2019 (edited October 30, 2019)
Edited
I also recommend a doggy daycare if your area has one, a kennel free one at that so dog can run and play and get his energy out. We did this with our lab from the time he was a puppy until he was about 4. Sometimes only 2 or 3 days a week becuzse he literally slept the whole day after if he didn't go back, he was so worn out.
Perpetually Plump ⋅ October 30, 2019
You do realize that people who are paralyzed can still lead very normal lives, right? Like, it does not prevent you from living a life. I know a guy who is paraplegic who is about a thousand times more functional than your wife. I also know a lady who is completely blind, and obviously she has to have a little bit of help, but she lives alone. But I do understand your point, and I know that you were venting, so I probably shouldn't be nitpicking you about this. And people with autism can also live very normal lives. Lol. It's really just a matter of learning life skills okay. And again, I understand your point, and I'm just being me about it.
The way that I fixed my dog and kept her from eating my house, is I got her a buddy. And once I got her that second dog, it seemed to relieve a lot of her anxiety and boredom. I do not think that getting a second dog is feasible for you right now, however. Like, not even slightly. So maybe the ideas of doggy daycare would be your bet. I think it will also help with those socialization and her learning how to get along with other dogs, which is something my oldest dog never learned how to do. I got her when she was three and a half, and by then it was too late, but she does not get along well with other dogs.
hippiechica15 ⋅ October 30, 2019
She really should be kennel trained. It would take a lot of the mental "where is the puppy now" stress while wife is studying, knowing the dog is contained for a set amount of time. And the puppy has a cool-down place. 11 months is peak puppy shenanigans too...never mind the lack of exercise!!
I feel your frustration. My SIL and her boyfriend got a puppy the week and a half before we moved...I work from home...it was not what I wanted to deal with on top of work and the stress of coordinating and move.
Always Laughing ⋅ October 30, 2019
Agree with your noters. Try a day care a few times a week or the dog walker. You are not obligated to stay in any relationship where the other person is not an active participant. I think you nailed it with her love is conditional as long as no one needs anything from her.
Purple Dawn ⋅ October 30, 2019
If you did mention a dog walker or daycare for the dog and a maid to come weekly to clean would that get her butt up and working? You said she was the one who managed the majority of your finances, maybe it would work? :) Take care,