Dear God 5 in My Prayers

Dear God, I’m not sure I can believe in you today. I don’t want to believe in a God that would let me hurt so bad. Rationally I know I have no reason to feel this way, I have a supportive family, a lot of my trails are self-made. But I need help God, and i thought I would find it through you, but I have not. I wear your cross around my neck every moment of my day. I think of you often and in the best light I can. But here I am again, alone, wanting to talk, but not having someone to talk to, wanting to know about myself and not sure where to search. I want to tell my friends that Im not ok, I want to tell them that I dont want to be left out. But I am also tired of being the 5th wheel, of not knowing love like they do. I want them to have fun, but I want to be with them, but I will not hold them back for something so insignificant as my feelings. Dear God help my find myself for fucks sake. Help me find myself, or just let me find you. let me find answers, let me find peace. Let me find something! I cant fucking do this anymore god. Take away my pain, let me find out how to get rid of it, or let me join you away from this earth. Let me believe again. please