A Light in a Dark Complicated Mess of a World? in Everyday Ramblings

Even though I have been out and about I haven’t taken many pictures lately. I walked over 8 miles all told yesterday with the appointment with the cardiologist and teaching after work.

There are these big white poppy like flowers out at the track that I may go over and shoot this afternoon. The delphiniums are blooming and I love them.

Last Friday after class at the office I talked to our assigned HR representative. He is a fairly young white guy, friendly but, you know, HR. He took my statement. I am sure sure in his heart of hearts never having been a workingwoman he has no idea what it is like to be in my position. One thing in his favor though in terms of talking to all the guys I work with and for is that they will listen to him.

It is now four days later and I haven’t heard a word. So my expectations about this path are coming in at the minus 2 level. He did tell me, whether it is true or not, that he had heard absolutely nothing about impending layoffs and he would know.

That means 55 more weeks of this crap. Yesterday when I logged in there was an email from MM asking me to change a number on information that goes out to our customers. Apparently there was a missing zero. I bristled because no matter what he thinks he is not the boss of me and he does not get to tell me what to do,

I emailed Mr. On the Spectrum and asked if I needed to do it. Of course he came back and said I should proceed but hopefully I made my point. He doesn’t get to offload his management responsibilities onto MM.

The cardiologist was in his element with me yesterday. He gave me a choice. I could go straight to the angiogram right away or I could have another fancy radioactive contrast CT scan to see if there has been disease progression. If there hasn’t they can manage my chest pain with drugs and even more drugs to help me with the anxiety and stress.

I have a better idea. They can pay me a year’s salary and give me medical benefits and let me go. :) I told the HR guy that I wanted to not work for and with these men anymore and that I wanted more money and no overtime. Overtime I am working this week. Bleh.

So if I do have disease progression they will take me in for the angiogram and place a stent right away. Double bleh. The good news is the recovery time on that is only a few days based on what vein they use. He said because I am so small he may have to go through the vein in my leg.

We talked about exactly what I need to do if I get the chest pain again. I was so chuffed that dealing with the MM situation yesterday I did not have chest pain. That means I am making progress in terms of finding a way to deal.

The CT scan is scheduled for two weeks from now. I will need authorization from my insurance provider but everybody is pretty sure I will get it and I already paid most of my deductible for the MRI. But still it will not be cheap and I get additional radiation exposure.

The cardiologist was very nice about it all, he is a good doctor and he impressed upon me the seriousness of this situation. I get it but Triple Bleh. My father died of a heart attack when he was 72. I want those 7 years at least!

Even 7 years with this horrible government or something like it though I hope against hope for a change next year.

Tonight I have my final appointment with the employment counselor. Without any action from HR I am stuck…I can apply for other positions, I can quit or I can go on medical leave. I have disability insurance but it doesn’t kick in until you use up all your sick leave and vacation time. And I have almost 6 months of that saved up, which figures into my retirement payout calculation.

All options are on the table but in my much battered heart I am holding out for the best possible solution of a bonus, no overtime and a way to use my expertise while reporting to someone else.

The future is a field of possibilities. I am going to do what I can to manifest some of the better ones in this dark complicated mess of a world.

Last updated June 06, 2019