Permission in New reality

I’ve been neglecting my journalling both public and private. I guess writing down my.inner most thoughts and feelings makes them so real.. I often times would rather live in my fantasy I guess.. work sucks.. I’m not doing well at all and could likely lose my job just in time for the baby to get here. I can’t focus. I know what I need to do at work and I still cant get it done. Its sales so it’s not a promise ever but I need to put in more effort but I just cant be bothered. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel a lot of pressure now and it’s making me crack or idk.. honestly i dont want to work. I want to stay home and take care of our house and our children.. she sucks at it.. she keeps blaming it on everything other than her inability to multitask or her inability to give a fuck about anything that isn’t her idea. My house is a mess.. my mind is a mess.. And nownive lost my free time.. so much more to write.. she’ll pass out later.. until then..