Premission continued in New reality

So shes sleeping now.. my wife asked me earlier for permission to play with her ex. I said yes.. I meant no.. but I said yes.. but why?.. because they own me.. because I will do anything to make her happy.. And shes been so upset lately.. so unhappy.. my sex drive isn’t what it once was.. but I stopped taking my meds and weve had sex a couple of times.. but she still wanted him.. still needed to please him.. but I also strive to please him so how could.i deny him?.. maybe I did it in Hope’s soon I’ll have an opportunity that I might want to take advantage of.. but it never really works that way.. it’s pretty one sided typically.. well anyway that was the in fact all I could handle. I broke down.. every sad thing came flooding back and the tears came pouring from my eyes. It felt good to cry.. but stopping was hard.. I’ve come back to earth for the time being. My eyes hurt, my chest is tight and all I wanna do is sleep.. but the nightmares will come.. my demons are loud tonight.. I haven’t been down this road in so long.. I just hope tomorrow is better.. it has to be..