Phone Anxiety in Self-Improvement, 2018

Does anyone else have severe phone anxiety? I’ve been holding off calling the courthouse regarding my case status because of my phone anxiety. But I called this morning and I was literally shaking with anxiety during the entire time I left a voicemail. WHY.

But they called me back. With good news. I filed on February 20th, and he was served that same night. He had 21 days to submit a response or file a joinder. He filed a joinder, which means he didn’t contest anything I filled out on my petition for divorce. The lady on the phone even told me that he checked the box saying he didn’t want to be notified of updates regarding the case/hearing dates. What an idiot. I laughed when she said that. So then she laughed too. Who would check that box?

So this afternoon, I’m taking an hour or two off work to go do the next step: request a date for a hearing/finalization. She said we both don’t need to attend the hearing, but one of us does. Since he checked that box, its up to me if I want let him know of the hearing. Hopefully all goes smoothly at the courthouse. Work is okay with me taking a half day if I don’t feel like coming back into the office afterwards. Man if things go smoothly at the courthouse this afternoon, it will make my entire day. I’ve been seriously over stressing this, which is my way.

I re-injured myself at football practice on Saturday. Not as bad this time. My elbow got pulled backwards just a little too far and I howled in pain. It was a dramatic response. It’s not that bad. Not as bad as when I hurt my leg. But my body’s central nervous system’s response was over the fucking top.

I spent the rest of the practice trying to ward off panic attacks. I pretended that the reason I needed to take my helmet off and kneel on one knee was that I needed to give my elbow support by resting it on the knee. In reality, I was hella dizzy and my helmet made me feel like everything was closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe or get my heart rate down. My body thought it was under attack. I wonder if these repetitive injuries have my body fooled. I had some really hard hits that I took earlier in practice but I didn’t have a response to those hits. But then the moment my elbow got hyper-extended, my panic system freaked out.

My therapist will be thrilled to learn of this.