Last night was so much fun! So many people from the Ferncroft came out last night, even the guys that work in the pro shop! Dave was being SUCH a good husband and didn't complain once about having to be the dd. We met everyone at V's house and started to pre-game it. Right away her and I took two shots together. Then I was walking around with a huge drink in my hand and she kept pouring more booze into it! We eventually headed over to this place called Rockafella's in downtown Salem and met up with some more people from work. This place was one of thee most crowded places I have ever been. The bar was impossible to get to and a million people were on the dance floor. Poor Dave was like "No way I can't stand this, I am going to go for a walk." So he was kinda just walking around and I managed to squeeze into the bar and get a drink. I was already drunk by this point and dancing with everyone in the front of the crowd and it was so much fun! Then I went to get another drink and it was even more crowded but luckily I met some dude who knew the bartender and bought me a drink. The place ended up closing at midnight so that kind of sucked, but I don't know any place that stays open until 2 around here, kind of a bummer. I had to pee so bad but they were literally pushing everyone out so I had to pop a squat behind some bush lol. I saw Amanda and Caitlin outside smoking and drinking a beer so I went over to say hi and Amanda was telling me Caitlin met some cute guy and went to go talk to him, and I happened to make a stupid drunken comment, "I heard she gets with a lot of guys" and Amanda was like "Who said that?" I said "Jon and she was like "WOW he has NO room to talk. He had sex with her himself". Inside I was like WHAT THE FUCK. Because he and I literally had this conversation and he claimed he did not sleep with anyone from the Ferncroft and that he has never cheated on his gf. ALSO he told me she was "just a slut". But I acted nonchalant about it and let the comment pass. We all went back to V's and I was clearly drunk and upset and Dave was questioning me about it so I had to make up some story about why I was upset. Around 1:30 I was exhausted and knew I had to be up at 7 a.m for work so Dave drove me back home and I guess I texted Jon saying "Wow..." and then turned my phone off. I woke up and Jon was like of course freaking out and asking me who I was talking about on my facebook status. I just didn't say anything because I didn't feel like getting into over a text message..Also by the time I woke up I wasn't as mad anymore and more like disappointed that he lied to me and hurt because how could I trust him type of situation. I get into work and he gets there a little later and comes up to me and is like "WHAT is going on?" Amanda is working there with me so of course I had to pretend I had no idea what he was talking about and texted him saying "Don't confront me at work it looks weird. We'll talk later". The whole day goes by, I am hungover as fuck, have to set up this entire baby shower, serve them, take it all down, clean everything, then set up for another function. Finally around 2 I get to go home and he is outside smoking a cig so I talk to him and said, "Look I don't want you to get all defensive I simply want to know why you lied to me because now I feel like I can't trust you." I told him what I heard, yes he admitted it and then made the point that he didn't want to talk about it because a) it wasn't my business and b) I wouldn't want people to know about him and I if they were to ask. So he did make a good point there, but I did feel like it was a bit different that I should know being that he is trying to hook up with me. I just told him I wasn't mad, I was just hurt that he lied and that it made me feel paranoid like who else is he sleeping with? Is he going to think I am just a slut after too? Then I find out he is actually PISSED about the fact that he wasn't invited and felt like the whole ferncroft was "even the pro shop guys" and I was like LOOK I was invited, i didn't invite anyone, and I made a ton of posts about it on facebook so that if anyone DID want to come, they could easily text me and you never did. He had to go back in but I had lingering questions and he ended up texting me around 5 making sure we were okay. We started to talk more about it but then he stopped talking so I was like "Can you keep texting or are you busy?" and he was like "Busy." and I never got a text from him again. So whatever. I don't fucking know.
All I want to do is have some fun. But I am scared that our secret could get out and this would RUIN my reputation at work and everyone would think I was a piece of shit. I want to trust him so badly. I want to not get hurt by him. But getting hurt by him would only happen if I grew feelings for him and in something like this, you just can't have feelings for the person because there is really no point. I guess that just scares me that what if I do have feelings for him? Is getting hurt and taking this risk worth it? Who knows...guess I will find out.
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