I'm finding it really hard to take life seriously anymore. Everything seems like one cruel joke.
I don't understand him at all. I went on Andreas FB to talk to him pretending to be her and he claimed he could not be friends with me because I am his ex. Then a few hours later sent me an e-mail stating this:
"Hey. I was suuuuuuuper shitty that night when I emailed you. Sorry. But yeah. You fucked me up in. The head. I'm kinda drunk right now to so excuse me. But why did you have to be so fucking awesome?! And even this last email you sent me. You still love me?!?! Why does this whole situation have to be so fucked?!?! Dammit. Not one normal thing can happen anytime soon. Fuck"
Really? I don't fucking get it. I have been able to get through all this shit going on in my life by telling myself that it's ok, this part of my life doesn't count. It means nothing and I will one day be happy when I start life on my own up north. But honestly, a big part of the future I have in my head involves him. And I am willing to do a lot to fix things with us, but I can't take the mixed signals...it is really driving me nuts. He is supposed to be the hope in my life. The good to come after all the crap I am going through. And instead he is just making my present life more crappy and not giving me anything but confusion.
I'm sure any sane person would cut him off...so I must be pretty crazy. Honestly, I think anyone that believes in love is crazy and delusional including myself.
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