Exclusion... in Book of M...

This may sound stupid. But I can’t help how I feel. My profession is mainly male dominated. The only other woman at my plant is an administrative assistant chick. There aren’t very many women in operations. I can think of 4 at 4 facilities including myself. So it’s even more obvious when you’re in a one sex dominated profession and you’re in the minority that you’re just excluded. Always on the outside looking in. In my case, I like to be around people and that’s mostly at work because when I go home I’m generally alone. So I guess I like the idea of having work friends and there are people at work who I’m more friendly with. However, I don’t really think I can call any of them actual friends. And it really sucks. I’m not a jealous person, so I don’t logically understand it, but basically everyone has jealous wives or gfs or whatever and I guess people of the opposite sex just can’t be friends. I already hate that I feel excluded, but yesterday M and F were talking about how M invited him out to the bar this past weekend etc. Like they even took group photos and stuff. Now I understand logically that my feelings are more pronounced because I’m hormonal but I’d still feel left out, upset, and hurt. Just instead of pushing those feelings back and not saying anything, I end up sitting in my office crying because I can’t help it. It sucks. Like guys not being able to hang out with me bc I’m a girl just really irks me.

Then of course after I was feeling awful yesterday, this morning M comes and asks me if I’m alright and what’s wrong. I went with I’m just sick of dealing with people because I didn’t feel like talking about it because I knew I would just end up crying again. Of course then he’s like “So are you tired of me?” Like the fuck.

“Hands like an ocean. Push you out, pull you back in.”

That describes M. Sometimes he upsets me or makes me angry, but I can’t stay fucking mad, and that pisses me off more. Like he just smiles at me or says something sweet and I’m back to being stupid. Go me!