Animals > People... in Fresh Start...

Most definitely. Today wholeheartedly reaffirmed that belief.

When I want to talk to someone or need to, there’s no one there, but if I’m busy, you better believe everyone is texting me.

I haven’t seen C in 3 weeks and as far as I’m concerned we’re way done. However, he’s still texting me and asked me earlier about how late I’m working tomorrow, so I think he was trying to make plans with me finally but I’m busy tomorrow. I’m going to a book publishing class with K.

I didn’t see V this weekend, but he’s definitely trying to play the bf role a little too much. I mean, yeah we’ve done some more datey things recently but last I checked we’re just friends with benefits. Like when I was talking to him last night and complaining about guys at work, hes all “Well you have me now” or when I said I felt like crying he said “You can cry on me.” I just feel he’s way more invested and while I do enjoy hanging out with him and even talking to him on the phone, I just don’t see it going anywhere. That’s another thing… I pretty much hate talking on the phone, but I know we’ve had at least 3 2-hour+ phone conversations. And tonight he told me to not take it the wrong way, but I should be charging for blowjobs.

This past Friday I was retarded. I had agreed to go get dinner with JM at an Indian restaurant. I’d never had Indian food and it was yummy. I thought he could be over me, but I was so wrong. (In case you don’t remember, this is the guy I dumped right after Christmas who I made cry, who couldn’t get it up, etc). He spent most of dinner staring at me pretty intensely. Like I had to look away a few times. We ran into a chick I knew from junior high and high school which was kewl. Afterwards we decided to walk down the street and we stopped in this bar that F from work goes to. It was pretty awesome. They had dragons milk and old school video games in the back. We each had a beer. Then my dumbass said he could come over and hang out for a bit. We both arrived at my house and I offered him whatever in the fridge so he had another beer. Then I went around and fed all my heathens. Once I was done I sat on the couch and we talked and I drank another beer. He started trying to cuddle me and I went with it because it was just nice to be touched like that. Ya know… touching just to touch without the push to get naked. After a bit of cuddling he did go in to kiss me. I again went with it because it’s been a while since I felt like someone was solely interested in kissing me. After some kissing I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs with me. So that led to nakedness and then he suggested a shower. I kinda needed it because he had sweat all over me at that point. I will say that he got it up more than usual. Still only like 65% hard in my opinion which makes things difficult. I’m more on the tight side of the spectrum and he is by no means small. He’s extremely girthy and if he ever got fully hard I’d say a good 7, but it’s hard to get good penetration with me if you aren’t fully hard. He also told me that he found out like mid January that he had a prostate infection so I’m curious if that has to do with it? Like maybe it’s been going on and he just didn’t go to the dr? Anyways… after the shower I put on pjs and got into bed. He laid with me and let me fall asleep on him for over an hour before I woke up and he finally headed home around 4am. It was entirely stupid but I miss sleeping on someone. The next day he was texting me and asked what I was doing. I told him figuring out lunch and grocery shopping. He asked if I wanted company so we ended up going to 5 guys and then he walked around the grocery with me. He’s been texting/calling me since and calling me sweetie and making goddamn kissy noises on the phone again. How do I get myself in these situations? It’s going to end badly I think.

H was texting me this weekend. I think he feels neglected. Asked me if he should lose my number. Even called and talked to me on the phone which he’s never done. I’ll make time for him eventually because he’s the only decent sex I’ve had recently. Actually in a conversation with M, I basically rated all my recent sexual partners. I gave H a 7 overall which I think confused M. So let me explain… yes, there have been a couple of times that H and I have had like really good sexual sessions and then there have been some really good quickies, and then there have been some so so quickies. That’s the way it works. But also the long sessions were due to H’s cocaine usage… like he’d be up and then down and up and down. So while we did have a lot of fun, it was also a whole lot of work and usually between the hours of 2 and 5 am. So balancing all that… 7-8 overall. I gave C a 2 because he’s just completely boring, vanilla, and lackluster. I gave JM a 3, which is what he deserves because if you can’t get good penetration then what are you doing, but at least he seems like he’s trying. This last performance I would give him a 5. V I gave a 5 overall… there have been a couple times he would be a 6-7 but also a lot of 3-4 times, so it makes sense. He just also does not stay hard but he’s also older so a little bit of an excuse.

Also, the sorta dumb how pretty you are guy… so apparently he got annoyed with me because I’m busy a lot and can’t always just text constantly. Especially when I’m trying to clean and take care of 21 animals. And I agreed to chat with him on Friday before I made plans with JM, but once plans were made I told him I didn’t know how long dinner would take etc. So then he got mad at me for not talking to him while I was out and didn’t speak the rest of the weekend, but didn’t say he was mad. Then yesterday he said he was going to lose my number and I said ok fine… so then he wrote a passive aggressive entry about it.

Then there’s M. I’m thinking a new entry.