Better I Guess... in Book of M...

Friday was better than the last several. I stayed at work a little later, but then I stopped at chickfila to get dinner. Not the best thing to eat, but I only ate like half the fries so that’s better at least. Then I stopped at petsmart to buy cat litter and canned cat food. Met a cute little Jack named Buddy. Then got to bed a 10 week old Saint Bernard puppy. 20 lbs of fluff I’m telling you but adorbs.

Earlier in the week M and I were texting and I basically told him I liked him and I got an awww that’s sweet. Kiss of Death. Between that and my allergies flaring up I skipped the next day. Of course then I felt bad about it later because I had planned on doing practice interview question stuff to help him prep for his interview the next day. So that never happened and then him along with everyone else were super nervous during and forgot a bunch of stuff. I honestly believe that if I had sat down with him one on one the day before it would have helped a lot but nothing I can do about it now.

Of course at the time I was upset and mad and didn’t care. So day of interview since I was going to be sitting in an office most of the day I decided to dress up. I had bought a new skirt recently and had nowhere else to wear it. So I wore that and a tank top and a thin shirt over it with below the knee boots. I even put on makeup. The guys definitely noticed. J at work told me today that I looked hot and that he was blaming my boobs for everyone’s nervousness.

But I went from really upset and irritated with M on Tuesday night to him being super sweet and attentive on Thursday night. Like we went to get salads for dinner together and on the way out of the place he called me something like “you sweet little thing you.” Before we went to eat I’d said something about being invited to a Halloween party and I need to find a costume. So he started googling costumes on his phone and repeatedly told me that I could pull off and/or look hot in all these different costumes, even the ones that I was like no that would show too much of my tummy. Of course I had to tell him that some of the things he pulled up were bedroom only costumes but he kept disagreeing. Then after I left we were texting and I told him he was hard to figure out and that he’s really good at making me feel stupid. Also that I think he’s one of those people who has no middle ground. Either he makes you feel like the only person in the room or that you don’t exist. Of course he claimed he wasn’t hard to figure out and then said “how the fuck do I make you feel stupid? Did you see me interview today?” I explained it the best I could but he wasn’t getting it and said we would discuss further on Monday.

My favorite part is generally our conversations to and from places to get food. Thursday was a serious conversation. He was telling me that men in his family are just not good at displaying affection, they tend to do things and go out of the way for people they care about, but saying I love you or anything just doesn’t really happen. And especially once he gets comfortable in a relationship the affectionate displays decrease dramatically. Later via text I was telling him that K is the only person that I regularly say I love you to because she’s my bestie and she loves me unconditionally. He said it was sweet and that he never says I love you to anything. I said you love your puppies and he said Yeah he does tell them nearly every day. And I was like see its not that you aren’t affectionate, it’s just animals are easier to trust with that. He was like true so true.

It’s just weird because we have these conversations where we talk about serious stuff like that or we joke around or we play music for each other. And when I was mad on Tuesday and texting K about it she said that he likes me because he looks at me when I’m not looking. Like when someone else is talking he’s looking at me more to see my reaction than actually paying attention to the conversation. It’s just complicated. He’s just really unfortunately a guy I could fall in love with hard.

Last updated October 11, 2016