This is the 100th “Day 1” I’ve had in the past 6 months. I think I finally reached my limits last night, finally admitting that I can’t stop drinking on my own whilst in tears. I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that by doing so, I would at least be able to stay strong for a little while. Admitting failure and weakness has always been a motivating factor for me, at least for a bit of time, and I’m hoping this time it sticks.
No more sneaking alcohol. No more lying. No more drunk stupors. No more hangovers. God, am I sick of the hangovers.
Lists have always been easier for me, and I suppose they will be helpful here, providing something to look back on when I want a drink (probably as soon as tonight).
Reasons I drink:
Boredom
Anxiety
Stress
Anger
To have fun
To be more social
It’s the weekend (ridiculous, right?)
Habit
Reasons I want to stop drinking:
It is negatively affecting my mood
I am increasingly becoming more depressed
I have little to no patience
I do not know who I am without alcohol
I wake up nearly every day with a hangover
I consume most of my calories from alcohol
I am shaky when I don’t drink
I have gained weight
I don’t workout
I have tingling sensations in my head after drinking
I have high blood pressure
It is negatively effecting my memory
I never feel like I get to fully experience social events because I don’t usually remember them fully, and I spend most of the time drinking.
I am missing out on my children being young because I often don’t feel good
I don’t know what my potential would be sober because I haven’t given it a chance
It is a horrible waste of money
I have started having terrible dreams on top of not getting enough sleep.
Things to do instead of drinking:
Write
Walk
Sew
Call a friend
Board game/cards
Have tea
Go to the park or water.
Work out.
So here we are, Day One.
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