There is a phrase I learned once and has stuck with me, “taking a bump”. And no, it’s not a cocaine thing. That’s “doing a bump”. Totally different vibe, of course. Not that I’ve done cocaine because I know if I tried it, I’d write an entire novel in two days and then die of a massive coronary. “Taking a bump” is a professional wrestling term, it means doing a stunt creating the illusion you were seriously injured without actually taking much damage at all.
Often, this involves falling backwards into the mat or the padded-concrete outside the ring.
In most cases, making your dance partner look good while avoiding an injury just requires tucking your head in so you don’t suffer a concussion, then widening out your back so that energy is spread out across as much body surface as possible? If you fall correctly, it looks perfectly devastating but doesn’t even sting. It’s why professional wresting is amazing but mixed-martial-arts are a slavering bloodsport, you’re not trying to kill each other out there. You’re just trying to make it look like you’re killing each other then you go for beers later.
I had a weekend of stunt training in college, for a short film about professional wrestling. I couldn’t lie to you and say I looked convincing with the moves, but I did learn how to take bumps, it’s the only thing I remember from that training. Granted, it only works when your maneuver involves falling to the mat. My stunt partner slipped faking a leg drop and I took possibly the only concussion of my life. Maybe why I only remember how to take bumps?
It’s helped me a few times in my later life. A few times being three-bill of pounds within a society of dwarves, I’ve fallen through unstable folding chairs and instead of smashing my skullbone wide-open or breaking two hands trying to catch myself? I just let this body fall. Tucked in and spread out no worse for the wear. It’s something I know and it has saved me.
But you’re never going to learn how to fall safely, if you don’t take the risk and let yourself. Taking a bump is the only way you’re ever going to learn how to protect yourself when the craziest thing come flying at you, it means much more than just how to fall through a chair.
As that’s all this life is, isn’t it? Figuring out how one can mitigate the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune life keeps body-slamming us with, to live another day, go home and rest. Everything going right isn’t a blessing, it’s a burden. Alter your life so that everything went exactly as you wanted and you’ll never have learned anything from screwing up. Walk back every failure for a triumph and nothing will have ever felt like a triumph. Endless success is endless stupid empty. Learn instead how to fall with safety and grace. Learn to take a bump.
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