Means defined by everyone else who IS defined.
That’s what the Human Design people say, at least.
I’ve been mulling this over. The more I do, the more it makes sense.
I have been told that I cannot express my emotions. That I am resisting expressing them, and even told that I’m not feeling them.
Now, I’m not crying victim or anything like that. I’m not in any way displacing my experience for what randos-however well paid or adorned with letters from the alphabet-say. Rather, I’m crying disparity of perception. Other people tell me their version, and my version just don’t add up.
Well, when I’m told that I’m not feeling my emotions, I know for one that no one can possibly know that except me. And, I don’t suppose anyone can tell me if they’re my emotions, either. And I am question that more and more. Is anything I feel mine? How the hell would I know?
The problem is, this idea, if I’m right, is that because I have an undefined emotional Solar Plexus center, I don’t have emotions that originate with me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel emotions. I feel them and paradoxically, far stronger than those with whom they originate. And unfortunately, can be conditioned to accept the story behind them and keep them on a perpetual loop. Which is what I am considering as a very real possibility that could explain the very interesting experiences that I’ve had.
More than that, though, is that roughly half the population has an open Solar Plexus. So that would mean half of everyone is in the same boat without having a goddam clue. And… You know I think some people can be fooled some of the time, but all of the people cannot be fooled all of the time. HOW could this have escaped attention for so long? It seems very unlikely to me. And yet… So much has obviously escaped attention that I’m not going to argue that things of great importance and impact can’t remain hidden. Not forever. But for a long time.
Yet, the more I consider this possibility-that my emotional center is totally unproductive, but totally open and receptive, and even amplifying-I feel resonance. The biggest feelings in my life didn’t originate with me. I am even beginning to consider that the most basic urges I felt never originated with me. My intense sadness as a child- my anger, pain, sadness-weren’t mine. And the stories that I had to explain these feelings-! Mainly that I was a selfish brat and disrupted my poor parents peaceful life at every turn-none of them were mine. They were told to me. Or about me. And I absorbed them, along with the emotions they carried. One story I carried which I could never really explain, was that I’d be so stricken with grief and sadness if my mom were to die. When it was, in fact, my mom’s mother who abandoned my mom when she was little. And somehow, I absorbed this feeling and the story. And, it replayed over and over in my mind and ran the same emotional script again and again.
I remember, so clearly, that I had zero compunction against any act… Right up until someone else discovered it. Only then did I feel all the things. I felt terror, humiliation, and again the stories about myself. The stories were mostly directed at me as a person, and so they seemed quite personal. Yet they were not personal at all. They were someone else’s- someone afraid of their own punishment or humiliation-directed or projected at me, and so very powerfully absorbed into my emotional center.
More, my recent experiences have given me more context for fleshing this out.
Being in my home, now, is SO calm. SO peaceful. SO nourishing. And I discovered that, per their Human Designs, all of my household family members also have undefined Solar Plexus. All of us.
The contrast to the feelings I have-still- with my family of origin is massive. MASSIVE The sheer quantity of emotional upheaval I experience simply having my mom visit every other week was like an unwanted bath in some nasty sticky, smelly goop that doesn’t wash off. And by the time it wears off, she’s visiting again for a fresh dowsing.
Now I’m not saying that this is all emotional- I know it isn’t. I have other undefined centers and so do my kids and DH. But it is evidence on the pile that this paradigm is probably true.
It’s a kind of paradigm that is life altering and empowering. That I can recognize emotional feelings as impersonal waves of experiencing that tell me about the other person is a massively valuable data point. It’s not just their emotions that count, of course-there are so many nuances to energy exchange of people. To isolate just this would be almost impossible, but it is a start. It is a big leap from where I was before; from understanding that the emotions I felt must be mine, to the idea that I’m simply a receiver and amplifier of other people’s emotional energy.
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