I’ve hit a brick wall. I’ve lost all my confidence and self worth, and here lately I’ve been going more than a little mad. I am loosing it emotionally I am failing at keeping cool, level headed, not suicidal. I think about it all the time I mean really think about it, contemplate it. Even though I know I shouldn’t, and when I squint I see vague success, and can tell most of my disappointment in myself is in my head.
I’m really worried. I am worried I am going to ruin my relationship, and not illegitament worry REAL worry for REAL threats. I am going crazy, doing emotionally unbalanced things, and feeling emotionally unbalanced about things that shouldn’t matter, or bother me at all. I am paranoid, jealous, sad, suicidally depressed, and becoming unable to focus on anything else.
I HAVE got to fix this. I can’t do this anymore. Being anxious, depressed, sad, is one thing.. but this.. this over the top manic like personality is NOT me. It’s not normal behavior for me, and it is causing some serious damage in my life I fear. I have a good thing going for me right now. For the first time in a long time I was healing, I am healing, I am loved, I love a good person, I am around good people, and in a safe place.
I was/am on track, and this is fucking it up.
-jane doe
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