Entries 8
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Letting go
So it’s been awhile, not only since I’ve written but since I’ve done much of anything except break down, walk/lay around depressed, and well in general live life. I had a resurgence of old memori...
Chronic Pain is in for tonight
Dear physical pain, Go away. Sincerely Yours, -jane doe
Crazy
I’ve hit a brick wall. I’ve lost all my confidence and self worth, and here lately I’ve been going more than a little mad. I am loosing it emotionally I am failing at keeping cool, level headed,...
What if
I've been playing with the concept of what if. What if instead of letting myself spiral I found some way to push forward until I figured it out? What if instead of trying to fix or heal this pa...
Jealousy
I was never a jealous person. Once I was very self assured, but then life happened and men are idiots. So was I. Sighs Now I can't help it. I'm in a perfectly good relationship and he has to...
Rhythm
Rhythm it's what I think I am developing. A strong sense of doing what I need to as it needs to be done. Similar to the day before and the day before that. It's what if I am successful I will b...
Secret
I feel so awkward having this diary and technically hiding it from the people closest to me. It's not something I would ever do in a thousand life times but, I just don't think it would work oth...
Introduction
I have often been tired, given up, thought and planned my suicide. I have multiple reasons, a heaping of delusions, and ample excuses to do it. I have tittered on that razors edge of the carefu...
Book Description
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
― David Foster Wallace
