I feel so awkward having this diary and technically hiding it from the people closest to me. It's not something I would ever do in a thousand life times but, I just don't think it would work otherwise. Even if they agreed not to read it, there would be something in my head urging me to write carefully so I don't hurt anyone's feelings.
An that's the thing I'm just so tired of letting other people down by feeling how I feel. It makes them feel helpless; and why shouldn't they feel that way? I probably would feel the same, I have in similar situations. Is it selfish to need to keep this quite so I just don't hurt anyone else? At least not in this way? Because I don't think I can get any better unless I am only thinking about myself when I tackle this subject.
If I keep worrying about how I feel and how it makes others feel I just won't have the energy to rip open the stitches of my mind and dig in. I can't even remember why I was logging on today to write. sigh
I will commit to this. I must commit to this, and this is a journey I must leave my loved ones behind for. This a personal demon, and only I can slay it.
-Jane Doe
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