CRAMPS in just testing

I dunno why I don't write here more often!! Then I forget everything!!!

Well nothing big has happened at work anyway.

After paying off my credit card bill in June, I am slowly getting life in order. I went to the dentist this week and got a clean bill of health :D = I'm always so scared of the dentist. I've only had one cavity but you hear of so many horror stories.

I also finally got to go to the gyno, got a check up and the RX for the depo birth control. I picked it up and got my period this weekend. I have to do the shot during my period so hopefully they can squeeze me in tomorrow to actually administer the shot and then I should be safely baby free for at least 3 months.

When I used to be on depo - when I was 19 - all my sex was condom free because I was on the depo birth control. I never had any pregnancy scares and I was a little slutty back then. NOW I'm married and about to get back on depo but worried about a slip up and wondering if we should use condoms anyway LOL

I'm more scared at 33 of being pregnant than I ever was at 19....

We went to visit his family for my nephew's 9th birthday and of couse there were babies and baby talk. His mother is hoping I'm pregnant by next year - though we've never told her we were even trying.

The thing is... I'm 100lbs over weight, we live in a 1 bedroom at least 40 minutes away from them and Will works 6 days a week... so why they think we'd even be trying is beyond me. She just wants a baby from us. And I know she loves me for me - but she also loves me because I am the key to giving her a baby from her son.

She's really anxious for our baby and I don't even know what to say around her.

I told Will that he should tell her that I'm going on birth control so she doesn't think it's happening next year either.

I just deleted like 10 paragraphs about this subject. I feel like I'm always explain why I'm not having kids. To who? For what?

It's surprising how many people around me - in my work, at the dentist office, and in Will's family that simply don't accept that I'm not just 'waiting' to have a baby. They can't wrap their head around it and I have to come up with a multitude of reasons WHY I'm not having a baby.

I need her to be happy with us as a couple if we never produce a baby for her. And I think she's of that traditional mind that you can't be completely happy without kids.

If me and Will because amazingly successful - had houses and cars and possessions and vacations and a strong happy marriage where we adored each other until the end of time. She will still think it would have been better if we had kids.

It's just an awkward situation when we're with her. It comes from a good place but it doesn't make me feel good.