No Respect feeling Pathetic in Internet Intentions

I don’t fucking know what’s wrong with me. I feel completely and utterly spineless. My 1st period of 9th graders were nearly bored to death by my teaching and had no fucking respect. Evelyn ran away from me when I was trying to talk to her because she knew I wouldn’t do anything. I thought I had a positive start this morning and I had a good night with Jason. But clearly I’m not presenting myself well. The seniors were not understanding or respecting me. Other than Aaron no one was outwardly disrespectful they could just tell that I wasn’t in it today. This isn’t totally them, yes teenagers are disrespectful but the way I react, present myself and the mindset I have towards my work very much impacts them. IDFK why I’m so weak today. I feel like shit and I’m not happy with this feeling. I just want to have fun and stop fucking worrying about how they perceive me. I feel just so fucking boring. I feel like a kid more than ever getting bullied. It sucks that I don’t have their attention or respect right now. I just want to respect myself, I know I can be unbothered by them if I am just sure of myself. Kam likes me but does not respect me. I did not have the authentic energy today despite the affirmations last night and this morning, I’m not gonna stop just because of that. I feel incompetent but when I get in this feeling I just pity myself instead of trying to see what I can do better.

I can command respect by having fun myself, being aware of my values and taking steps to follow those values.