Now I know in just testing

I want you all to do n experiment with me.

Suspend logic and reality for a bit.

Imagine for a moment that when you woke up this morning you were back at 13 years old. You woke up in your childhood home, in your bed, remembering everything of your life up to 2020.

You would be FREAKING OUT, I’m sure. You’re significant other would be gone. Your kids would be gone. Your parents would be young. Your main job is to go to school.

Try and put a positive spin on it. Yes you’d be in a panic BUT you’d have your whole life to do over again.

What would excite you about that?
Would you do better in school? Would you do better outside of school? Would you change your whole career? Would you avoid certain people, while pursuing other ones? You would have the confidence of experiencing an adult life while in a 13 year old’s body. Would you tell anyone? would you try to time travel back to the real you or just live your life again?

** I think I should add a note that if 13 was a traumatic time that you would never want to re-live, pick an age in the past where you would like to start over from. For me and my dream, 13 was a good age cause I guess i feel like HS was where my grades kinda fell apart. I didn’t like my school, or the people I went to school with at 14. I changed school again at 15 so that was better, but I guess my mind just wanted to give me high school with a clean slate.

I had a dream last night of just that.

In my dream I actually woke up in my parents car, with my sister next to me and we were driving back to the home I lived at when I was 13.
We were staring wide eyed at each other and I kept whispering to her “what year is it?! what year is it?!”
In my dream we both were transported and we both knew we had somehow traveled back in time.

My sister was slack jawed and dumbfounded for a long time. We didn’t know how it happened but we were here now. I didn’t have a thought of trying to fight it. We both remembered Emma, we both remembered our lives in 2020 but we were here now and my main intention was to get better grades, choose a career in cat rescue, and find Will. Those were my only goals this go around.

My sister just looked dazed, I don’t think shy was crying hysterically like she was unhappy but she certainly wasn’t as excited as I was to do it all over.

If I knew then what I know now, my life would be so different.

Also if I had pursued any career instead of just floating around I’d prob be more than an admin right now. Which is one of my main regrets I guess.

For a long time I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Or how I’d do it. I feel like I have to pursue cat rescue harder now. I still dunno how I’ll get paid for it lol.

What I really want is a set up like the garage I currently take cats too. I want to be able to provide that. A building with windows that can be heated and cooled with space for rescuers to drop off their ferals. A partnership with a vet scooter that will come to my location where feral cats are waiting to be fixed. Whether they’re fixed in the scooter or in the location I’m not sure about, and then the rescuers can retrieve them and release them wherever they were found.

Maybe some big cages for cat that need to be fostered. People can come and socialize kitties there.

I don’t think I want to go the kitten lady route and cater to neonatal kittens because it takes a lot of time and expense. I don’t think I can afford a row of incubators and stuff like that.

Something concrete and linoleum. Well lit. Easy to clean. Easy to catch a cat if they got loose. That’s an issue at the garage. It’s a dirty, grubby, garage with a ladder and space under the roof for storage. So anytime a cat gets loose they shoot straight up there and it’s not safe for people so they just have to wait for the cat to be hungry enough to come down.

I’m still grateful for that garage. It’s the only way I can do what I do. And the lady who owns the house and garage is in her 80s. She’s not gonna last forever and whoever takes on that house prob won’t let us store our cats in there instead of cars.

Maybe something with a keypad for people to let themselves in and out.

A big parking lot. Maybe a plot of grass behind for a pet cemetery. Very rarely do they not wake up from surgery but it does happen and not everyone has a yard to put their cat to rest. Cremation is very expensive.

Hell maybe a space to gather, where rescuers can have a bbq lol.

This is what I want. Because this is what I think my TNR field needs. This is what I want to provide.

For a long time, when I was a Young child - I toyed with being a vet. But I can’t take hurt animals. The blood, the pressure. I couldn’t be a vet. Then when animal planet came out and they were showing these animal officers I thought maybe I could do that.

But they’re called in on the worst cases. Dog fights, hoarder houses. Sick and hurt or already dead animals. Not to mention road kill. I couldn’t do that either.

So I guess my career kind of floundered cause I did want to help animals but I couldn’t handle most of the careers I knew of at the time.

It wasn’t till.... maybe 2014 that I knew anything about TNR. And it wasn’t until 2018 that I actually started doing it myself and maybe not till 2019 that I found the rescue group with the garage and then I was like OMG this saves me so much time and money and it’s really not a lot of responsibility on me just to maintain a space. It really appealed to me.

And when I had the chance, in my dream, to do most of my life over - that’s where I wanted to go. To cat rescue and cat shelters and TNR. I could have chosen anything, I could have decided to do medical school or law school, but I was thinking maybe business school for animal rescue.

That and finding Will again.

Now I know - from time travel shows on TV - that supposedly everything you do differently in the past effects the future and there’s a possibility I’d never see Will or Emma again. Plus for me to see Emma my sister would have to build a relationship and remarry a man who hurt her once and would probably do it again. I very much doubt the asshole will ever be anything more than an asshole in any timeline.

I guess I just had hope that even though me and my sis would be doing a lot of things differently, that we’d still find our husbands at the right time. It’s was a dream after all.

SO what do I do with this info?

I don’t know. Just cause I know I want this TNR structure now doesn’t mean that the money or the structure is anywhere nearby for me to pursue this.

I don’t know. I’m just going to keep it in my mind and look for ways to get closer to it.

Oh I told my sis this dream and she said IF she HAD to do life over, she’d do a lot more traveling before Emma. She’s happy with her career of being a pastry chef, but she feels she really missed out on traveling.

I told Teach to and she said she wouldn’t become a teacher. She’d still wanna help kids but in some sort of capacity that made her more money.

I bet if I told Will this he’d say ” I dunno”
I’ve asked him things like this before- what did he wanna be when he grew up, if he got a million dollars to start any business, what would it be....
If he does have any ideas about it, he doesn’t share it with me.

Last updated October 06, 2020