The talks in Weight Loss Surgery

Just some good talks going on…

First off - I think i mentioned a while ago that the admin from IL talked to us about being overwhelmed. Well finally the VP of philanthropy has found out so she talked to the directors and then my boss (director for NJ) wanted to have a talk with me.

I wasn’t in trouble or anything like that, she was again just making sure that my workload wasn’t making me feel like in IL. She wanted to know if I needed OT, etc. So I told her that me, and the admin of MI haven’t taken OT for anything but we are busy too and basically just let things slide till we can get to them.

There was a moment I was behind on the billing and the VP was made aware and I’m now caught up. There was a moment I was behind on the letters and I’m still slightly behind now but now I’m only 1 month behind instead of 3 and luckily I haven’t been caught and in trouble for that yet.

And when I saw “trouble” I don’t really mean trouble, I just mean that no one has been asking - hey where are those letters?!

I told her about some more big projects that are coming down soon and I may be thrown further behind again but then I’ll catch up and that’s just the way it goes it seems.

She said, being new, she really didn’t know how OT worked. We’re both salary and so she thought salaried people don’t get OT but I don’t know how the admins in IL and MI are paid. It’s possible they’re hourly. Either way I could come to her when stressed because basically she wants issues to stay between us instead of going up to the VP. I agree.

And today, keeping in the theme of doing stuff WITH her, she asked me to run a report with statistics I hadn’t ever even heard of and so I said lets get on video and do this together. Then she could see, with me, that there were no options for the statistics she was looking to have in her report.

That was a 15 min video that saved me SO MUCH TIME and SO MANY EMAILS while she asked me for something that I didn’t know how to do.

She keeps saying “I’ve only been here 6 months” and “I started during a pandemic” and I get that because there was a time when I had only been here 6 months and kinda used that crutch as a way to not take responsibility for stuff.

But a year creeps on ya quick, and now I’ve been here a year. And whether or not I know how to do something, I just gotta figure out cause I’ve been here a year. And that milestone is coming for her soon.

No one’s been through a pandemic before, yes I’ve been here a year but 6 months of that year have been under the same pandemic and 3 months of that year I didn’t even have a boss or anyone teaching me what to do cause she dipped out in December so… suck it up buttercup.

Another talk I had was with my trainer.

This is gonna sound bad but it really didn’t come out bad and didn’t make me feel bad.

She pointed out that in January I will have been training with her for a year, and I’ve lost....8lbs.

At one point I lost close to 15lbs but I gained some back.

She said that she doesn’t want me to think that she’s just taking my money with no results. She wants me to feel better about my body and she also wants to use me as an example for her fitness career. She wants to have a before and after with me losing a ton of weight that’s due to our effort together instead of a surgery.

We both know that I’ve gained muscle. And although I hate every minute of sweating and exercising, my stamina and muscle have improved.

We also both know that I should either be eating better or taking more training sessions to see real weight loss. She knows that I don’t have a ton of free money to be seeing her every day so it’s on me to basically stop inhaling carbs (not all carbs, just the useless ones) to drop the weight.

I know. I know…

And I’ve told her that she’s right. I know I need to control my eating more. And I know if I did I dropped the weight.
But I also told her that I’ve been trying to do this for a looooong time. And I know that I have to be really strict with myself to pull off weight loss. AND I know that most times I can’t keep up that strictness for more than a few months before I relax about my eating and gain everything back in half the time it took me to lose it.

She’s been my weight, she knows how hard it is to do this, she’s now under 220 and it’s been hard and she’s had slip ups too. I guess I just don’t want it as much as her or I’m lazier than her but she doesn’t want to hear those things. She doesn’t believe those things. She does think I want it and she doesn’t think I’m lazy but she can’t swipe the food out of my hand for me.

So we had that talk and she really tried to pump me up but I’m not there.
Maybe cause the surgery is coming, I don’t have as much drive?

I AM trying but yet not enough. Maybe I don’t want it enough.

You know, I keep saying I’m losing weight to DO more things, like the roller coasters and whatever else fat people can’t fit it.

But I wonder, if the world changed and they said - from now on EVERYTHING will be adjusted to fit anyone from 100lbs to 400lbs. That would cover me and Will. We would be able to fit into everything.

Would I give up the drive for weight loss then?

Maybe not cause the point is I keep gaining. Even if they made the world tailored to 400lbs people, I’d reach 401 and be unhappy again. If the past is any indicator of the future then that’s what would happen.

She’s a fitness coach, of course she’s going to say these things. And if I end up getting the surgery she’ll say I didn’t need it right down to the end. She did it. She’s the success story. So she feels like others can do it too but… I dunno. It hasn’t worked for me so far.

Well so those were some kinda heavy talks I had recently and I guess they’re both fine. I just gotta take care of myself day by day. Mental health, physical health....

Last updated December 20, 2020