12-24/25 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

So far it has been… meh.
Woke up at 7, saw that Martha had wrapped my gift to my niece in the middle of the night. I packed up the car, drove to my parents house. Went to do errands for two hours. Came home. Ripped my jeans and don’t have any clean pants (washing machine is still broken). So now I wait for the clothes to wash so I can switch pants so I can go to a church service by myself because my parents already went but if I don’t go that will disappoint them. There are seven more hours until it will be “appropriate” to go to bed.

My little voice amplifies when I’m here and takes on the tone of my parents. I honestly can’t say as to how or what they are feeling about my Separation. But my little voice says that they are disappointed. That “lack of respect and affection” isn’t a reason to throw away an otherwise perfectly acceptable marriage… it is simply part of marriage. In this place my little voice continues to harp. And I remind it that while we were married we were practically desperate for some sign that we mattered to our bride. We don’t want to do that anymore. And little voice retorts back: “so you traded a person that did not make you feel loved… for mobile phone apps that make you feel bad? You absolute twit!”

So that is where I am at today.

For any celebrating: I wish you all a very merry Christmas!!!