Briefly in Trying to Hold On

  • Dec. 2, 2019, 8:44 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

I haven’t much time today as it is a Juvenile Court Day. I’ll read when I can. Martha came home last night and we had a fairly productive discussion. She says that she actually did know this was coming. She was just never sure when it would happen; but she says she knew it would happen sooner or later. “After all,” she said, “You deserve to have a healthy marriage and you waited so long. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t do more.” She said that she wants to work towards being the kind of wife I need but that she wouldn’t expect me (or want me) to wait for her. She kept coming back to “You’ve waited long enough. And it isn’t fair to you for me to start working hard now because you deserved me working hard before now. I just… I do know how special you are and I want to work towards being the kind of person that understands that and appreciates that.”

That being said, we discussed specifics and logistics.

(1) I don’t want to have to sell the house. She doesn’t want me to have to sell the house.
(2) I want to make sure the dog is taken care of. She wants to make sure the dog is taken care of.
(3) I want to make sure that during the Separation, I can “date around, have sex, and pursue the possibility of more fulfilling relationships.” She agreed and supported it 100% and asked if I would be willing to grab a bite with her every once in a while. No expectations, no requirements… just… stay in each other’s lives. I have no problems with that. Then, surprisingly, she asked if I would be okay if she and I had sex. Not “getting back together sex” but like… as I am dating around. Honestly, I said I would be inclined but reiterated that I’m not exactly holding my breath. After all, if our sex life had been present or active, this may have been avoided. She agreed and understood and told me that knowing she’s losing me really puts into perspective everything she took for granted.

So… what are the specific logistics??

Martha wants to finish this year in school. So she is going to look for a rental in town. We’ll get the separation paperwork all sorted, signed, and filed. We’ll get a bank account for her and I’ll put in… many thousand dollars. And we’ll go from there. Starting to work a journey where we are no longer romantically involved or married; but can still be friends… still root for each other, still wish the best for each other. We’ll see what happens.


Anaiss 7 days ago

Designer makes a good point that I hadn't considered. I'm glad Martha is being reasonable and that you'll be able to work things out. You know my very best friend is the guy I had a 3 year relationship with.

woman in the moon 7 days ago

Keep in mind you did this at the very right time for both of you. There is no going back in life and fixing things. We are here in this zen-y moment - the future spread out before us like a beautiful view and the past is complete, neither bad nor good, just is.
I am going to bury my brother today and now I am the last member of my family. All we have now is past. Jamie, Violetta, Mike and me.

hippiechica15 6 days ago

Wow that sounds like a very reasonable and level headed discussion. I am...very pleased for the both of you. I hope you can make this an amicable separation and remain friends in the end. And I am glad she wasn't as blindsided as it looked.

Ares 6 days ago

Things are going well, no hysteric or emotional tantrums from her side. She must have had some discussions with her family about this, and got some practical advices on how to move on after the divorce.

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