So a thing I realized about myself just now is that I am juggling a hell of a lot of balls for one human. Like, I have so many balls in the air, I am worth 20 men or more.
I find myself, this evening, in the grips of a manic episode combined with what feels like ADHD on crack. I mean, I’ve never done crack, so… I don’t know, it’s just an expression, okay? It feels so extreme. From one thing to the next to the next to the next, on and on for hours and hours, topic after topic, responsibility after responsibility, tracking this and paying that and checking this account and that one, how do my investments look? Oh, book a room, but not one I can’t cancel if necessary, but oh, look at this Airbnb, isn’t it cute and secluded and… oh, I should scroll Facebook for an hour, mindlessly. Vape battery died, finally decide to roll a smoke, oh look, this air purifier could use a wipe-down. Oh, look at the wall there, what’s that, wipe it, too. Well, might as well do this big section of wall now that I started. Crap, forgot I was rolling smokes. Oh, I have to check this thing or that, is that a Facebook notification…
So. That was fun.
And then I realized that, oh yeah. I forgot to take my meds… almost 10 hours ago, when I was supposed to.
I mean, the mindless Facebook scrolling aside, I just spent like 6 hours juggling balls of varying degrees of importance. And I started to feel overwhelmed, really. I think that’s where the mindless scrolling came in. Because I realized that I was juggling so many things and the anxiety kicked in… because I forgot to take my medicine. I triggered the whole thing.
Yeah, drugs are sometimes very, very important.