I need to learn in Things I Write When Im Sad

you’d think it’s not a hard lesson, one you should learn early on. But I guess I didn’t. I need to learn to be alone. to not rely on others, because that hurts more. I know I shouldn’t expect this much, she has no obligation to me. but I just want to be around her, not around V. I just want to sit and talk with R or even do nothing, just with less tension. i think V expects more. more that I can’t give, or that she thinks I should give, or that I’m trying to hard, that I’m too clingy. and she’s right. i need to learn to be alone so i don’t have to rely on R so she can be free. I don’t want to be with K, i don’t know why but i think she’s mad at me, she’s silent a lot of the time. i don’t like the messages she sends, i know she means well, but the less i have to acknowledge it the better. and i don’t know why but i want to cry, and i want a hug, but i don’t want to ask for one. and i definitely don’t want to ask with V around and i don’t want to cry in front of everyone but R, and i know if i get a hug ill cry. and i just want to be alone, but i really really don’t want to be alone because alone is silent and scary and i hate it. but i need to learn it. it’ll be for the best.