Maybe I don’t have to do that. Maybe that’s a stupid idea.
There are things about me, things that used to be and things that were not. Part of my journey into this “new” life, this “new” self, has been, in part, about going back to who I used to be. Before all the pain, before all the abuse. I can say, “I wasn’t like this before,” about some aspects of myself, and have a desire to get back to being that person, the one who wasn’t like “this” before. Whatever “this” might be. For instance, I used to be an incredibly neat and tidy person. Now, my home is as cluttered as my mind. Or my home is cluttering my mind. One way or the other, “I wasn’t like this before.”
Maybe I just need to purge all of the bullshit and start over. Figure out who I am and not who I used to be or who I want to be. Maybe I should just let myself be for awhile and see what happens.