Dear God 2 in My Prayers

Dear god. Today I felt lost. I don’t know why but I feel so empty inside. I feel like I am missing some huge part of me and I don’t know what it is. This hole inside of me feels so so dark, I feel as if it will drown me if I let it. And Dear god, I want to let it. I am tired of fighting so hard for something that seems so useless. If I will never love or be loved, why be alive. Everyone says you have a purpose for each and every one of us, but I feel as if I will never find mine. Dear god today I was anxious, waiting for the other foot to drop. I’ve told 11 people now that I am not straight. that seems to be 11 too many. But dear god do I need advice. I want to look for signs from you everywhere that I will be ok, but Dear god does it seems hopeless. I feel as if im a failure. I am the strong child, the straight-A student, the good musician, the protective older sibling, the mini-mom, the empathetic friend, the one who came out “right” but Jesus Christ am I broken. All the answers that I am supposed to have feel suspended in space, so far from my reach. Dear god help me find the strength to live, or at least, the strength to die. no matter how this hell ends, I pray to you that it is soon. Let me be free of the darkness and hatred inside. Let me be free of constant confusion. Let me learn to let all of the stress go. Let me learn to grow into who I need to be. Dear God, please find me.