Dear God 1 in My Prayers

Dear god. Today I wanted to die and I now know that this feeling isn’t going away. Everyday I hate myself just a little more. I am utterly terrified that I am not who I think I am. And that I will not be accepted for whoever that is. If all of the people out there are right you know what I’m thinking right now, and where I’ll be. I just need to know if I will be able to do this. To accept myself as I am. To come out to my family and friends safely and be accepted by them. I pretend to be strong, and know what’s going on, but I don’t. I don’t know if I am bi or straight or gay or asexual or demisexual, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if I can live with this uncertainty. And I know I should not want to die. And I do not want to kill myself, but sometimes I can see the blood running down my arms or hear the sirens of the ambulance when they find me. And I feel so blessed to feel numb. I don’t know how but I feel empty but so so full of emotion at once. I am lost god. And I am so scared, and I think I need you. So I don’t know who you are, or what you’ve done or if you exist, but. Dear god, I need you