Dear God 3 in My Prayers

Dear god, today I feel a little calmer. I’m not sure why but I am panicky almost all of the time. I feel like there is a brand on my forehead announcing my every secret. But dear god I love my friends, and some of my family. Of course it still hurts hearing how girls my weight shouldn’t do this or this, or how dumb and backwards I am, but some days are good god. This probably sounds bad but I’m scared someday they’ll be proud of me. That they’ll treat me like I should be treated, because right now I have an excuse for hating every part of me. But if they don’t tear me down the only thing holding me back is myself. Dear god today I matched with a girl on a dating site, and I think I am bi I swear I think I am, but sometimes I just don’t know, and that’s scary because what if I finally accept that about myself and it’s not true. Dear god today was better than yesterday, but I still had bad moments, dear god help me learn to love and heal