On Easter and Other Adventures in Trying to Hold On

  • April 22, 2019, 3:10 p.m.
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Saturday was the big day!

I woke up early but had a lot of quality sleep (per the machine). We got everything packed up and started the drive. Nala… is going to need a lot more car experience. The car wasn’t a problem or a bad thing… just… she’s not confident, a little timid, and just needs a little more car experience. Which I know she’ll get. She did exceedingly well at the trainers. The big thing was (1) social interaction with stranger; (2) exploration and interaction of a strange space; (3) preventing her from going to a specific area. Baby steps; but baby steps she did really well with. We do need to start Kennel Training as part of our agreement with the trainer. I know that everyone else is all about Kennel Training but… I’ve just.. I’ve never been a fan. I understand that it is “like their home” and it gets to be a “space for them” and I’ve heard all the positives. But I grew up with big dogs. Large Dogs. Dogs for whom kenneling would not have been feasible. And the dog being “a normal member of the household able to walk around the space at their leisure” is just… what I’ve always known… for 10 dogs. So I have 10 dogs of No Kenneling and… I’m not thrilled with the thought of kenneling my dog.

Then we drove to my parents. They were THRILLED to meet the puppy and she was super happy to meet them! She loved the big fenced in yard (still ate a lot of grass and wood chips) and loved playing with my Dad. You can tell that Dad has been hurting for dog time as he is still recovering from losing Rocky. In fact, Saturday as he was going to sleep, Dad said: “Thank you for bringing Nala into the family.” :p On Sunday, she did well, too. Weird meeting the giant pyrenese at first but she got over the timidity and actually started to revere the big dog a bit, lol. My niece was just smitten with the dog. She’d only grown up with Ole… who is huge-mongous.... so a small, cute little puppy was very exciting.

We got home and Nala and Wife went to bed. Having not played any video games at all over the weekend (and what with Mortal Kombat arriving soon), I wanted to play some and went to the basement. I fell asleep down there. I woke up in extreme pain. I figured it was because of falling asleep on the couch. It was not. Or at least, it was not just that. The barometric pressure was going crazy nuts haywire as storms criss cross the state. So… super sleepy, in pain. That’s my day.
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Juvenile Court went off without a hitch.
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It is lunch time now. I’m reading but not leaving many notes. I’m eating but hating it… I gained weight this month and am worried my Resolution Tracker will be very disappointing. Staying awake is very difficult right now. But I have to stay awake, I have to get some energy through me. There are at least 4 important things I need to do at work this afternoon.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that my life has become rather boring in most ways. True, my work is important and can be far from boring. True, my marriage is far from perfect and can offer some spectator amusement. True, a new puppy will keep my life from being boring. But as to my writing? It’s pretty much “Here’s my day. Here’s my day. Here’s my day.” I kind of wish I could get back into Deep Thinking Writing or Erotic as Hell Writing. But… there never seems to be enough time in the day or energy in the body. For almost all of the things I actually want to do in my life.
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So… I’ve taken care of 5 cases this morning and another 4 this afternoon. None of it too wild or crazy. Only thing that really came to mind during it was “These cases that require Year End Wrap Ups are starting to get closer to my hire date. Only a few months left until I’m more likely to run into one of my own cases than not.” If I’m able to celebrate two years here (2020) that would be awesome. Granted, I’ve had long-term jobs before. But almost all of them weren’t full time every day jobs. I worked at Dahl’s Grocery for maybe 3 years… part time as a student. I worked at Shoe Sales for maybe 3 years… part time as a student. I did work at Best Buy for a long time: 5 years, I think. But in that time I did Home Theater, Customer Support, Phone Bank, Media Assistant Supervisor, and Warehouse Full Timer. So 5 years; but 5 different positions. I was at Pretrial Release for 4 or 5 years… but that was almost always a Part Time Gig… even though the last many months of that gig were part time in name only. I realize I’m getting ahead of myself here. Seeing the One Year in the headlights, shouldn’t make me start thinking more long term. But it is nice being able to.

I think I’m in that pre-spring/pre-summer mental place where I can feel things are about to change in the world… but they haven’t started yet.... so I’m just looking around feeling.... kind of… stuck. Like… stuck in that… life is a routine of same old same old continuing along the same mostly known path. Wake… work… home… repeat. I’ll admit, it certainly doesn’t help that my Wife and I seem to share less and less in common with hobbies. I mean… what does Wife want to do tonight? Watch Jeopardy, watch Horror Movies, or watch Dr. Pimple Popper or some other semi-medical psuedo-reality show. What do I want to do tonight? Watch Jeopardy, watch the DVD.COM disc that has been sitting on our TV Display Counter for 3 months, maybe watch one of the many DVDs we own and haven’t watched yet, maybe read a book, definitely play some video games at some point(!!) Heck, maybe take the dog and walk around the little Down Town area with the boutiques and stuff. But… no. This is life. Wake… work… home… repeat.

I think the largest issue is… I’m not an obsessive gamer, but I am a lifelong gamer. I go to work, I take care of the dog, I take care of Wife, I help around the house. Wife is getting more and more unhappy about my desire to play video games. Meanwhile… she stays home, takes care of the dog, helps around the house, and spends (far too much of) her time on the couch watching TV. Especially as she is only likely to be watching YouTube or Television anyway when I would be playing video games… I find it irksome that she would prefer I sit on the couch with her and stare mindlessly as opposed to her coming down to the basement with me so that I can play videogames while she stares mindlessly at her phone.

With that in mind, I started reading some articles. And what I found in my reading laid out the following pattern:
Couple Gets Married
Husband Gets Hounded About Video Games
Husband Realizes Wife Spends More Time Watching TV Than He Does With Games
Couple Agree to be Powered Down Together More Often.... or
Wife Demands Husband Spend More Time with Her TV Preferences… or
Wife Returns to Gaming Like Before Wedding.

I suppose ultimately for me… it is one more thing on the pile of “Things changed”. Y’know how my Wife went from meeting me and wanting sex to marrying me and not wanting sex? Video Games are pretty similar. Wife enjoyed video games. She loved Halo and all Tell Tale Games. Hell, the pastor made a “Guilty Spark” reference in our damned wedding ceremony. But… of course… as Wife has faded, wife has faded. My Mom did note that it seems she’s doing better from many of the last few years. That the Individual Therapy and House and Going Back to School at least… help in some ways. Of course… it would be incredibly beneficial if my Wife could figure out how to make friends, or get involved in a hobby, or do something that brings her joy. She still fights the “maybe you’re depressed” thing but seriously… I can’t see how a woman can go from having many different varied interests to having no interests outside of British Television in 7 years.


AppleGirl April 22, 2019

Glad to hear the training went well. Regarding the kenneling dilemma...we even had a 160 lb. Great Dane, and her “crate” was an outdoor 8x8 ft. dog pen set up in the basement. She knew that was “her space”. Once you’ve established the kennel area (probably the first year or so, or once she is 100% potty trained) THEN she can have run of the house, in small increments.

woman in the moon April 23, 2019

https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/marriage-an-investigation.html
74 marriages - you can find yours somewhere. actually there is a therapy dialog that relates.
I've been doing a lot of nothing since I quit working so I relate a bit to your wife though of course I'm ancient and don't have a husband.
My granddog spends time in a crate. He's big and high energy and I think he does ok - they do get used to it and it becomes their life. I read somewhere - wish I had the context - that dogs are adaptable animals. I agree.

Ares April 23, 2019

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