I haven’t been on here in a long time. There are so many reasons for my absence, but I don’t really want to get into any of them right now, or maybe ever…probably never.
I think I should start a regular habit of writing again though, it shouldn’t just be something that I do when I’m wasted or high on cocaine.
Although…it is so much fun to write wasted and high on cocaine.
But I digress…
So…today is kind of a big day, I guess? I mean, I think most people would think it is a big day…some of my friends seem to think it is a big day…my family is not as impressed, I think they’re kind of giving me the whole “Your time ain’t shit, boi.” kind of treatment…and honestly, that’s kind of how I’m approaching it. I know my time ain’t shit, I know I’m probably going to die an addict, I know I will probably relapse…I know all of this…but in the mean time? Today marks three months without a drink.
The really cool part about this one is that it doesn’t even feel like it’s been a challenge at all. It hasn’t been difficult at all. I haven’t had any desire to drink.
The last couple months of drinking, I kept switching alcohols because the one I would be drinking would start to taste like shit…and eventually everything I drank began to taste like shit…and it wasn’t getting me drunk, it was just kind of making me feel a little less shitty (physically) than I did before I started to drink, but I still felt like shit…and my heart was beating so hard, and off beat, and I was tired all the time, and I couldn’t drive anywhere, and my friends were starting to get annoyed and cut me off, and I was getting fat…and it just wasn’t fucking doing anything positive for me at all.
It wasn’t numbing the pain like it used to…and I started to realize that maybe it’s not numbing the pain like it used to because I’m not carrying around as much pain as I used to…and that kind of flipped a switch for me.
Plus, I was seriously grossed out by my body.
So…yeah, I don’t have a lot of time because I’m about to go to the beach and walk around with some of my friends, so I’m pretty much going to wrap it up…but yeah, I’ve been eating super healthy and going to the gym like 5 times a week, and basically just getting super healthy, and I’m starting to look good, and feel good, and it’s awesome.
So that’s it.
I am alive and well.
I guess I’ll start writing more often.
Maybe not though.
I still love you, though.