nostalgia, crush, logic and dissection in Sometimes I feel dead inside

Heard a song this morning. Sounded like something that teenage me would’ve connected with whatever girl I was crushing on at the time. You know like every song when you’re a teenager. i realized how much I missed that feeling, the optimism, possibly the nostalgia of when that feeling threatened to overcome and devour me. It was nice to feel it for a second again. It was nice that I’ve been feeling much concerning those type of emotions. Getting a crush on a girl in the last month or so, feeling nostalgic after hearing a love song teenage me wishes he had written, I even had a couple of nice dreams that I recall having. but it doesn’t make me want to be in a relationship, or really date anyone. I mean I don’t mind adventures that go wherever. But any planned out titled thing I am just not interested. Though I might be having these emotions pop up because I’m bored. That would drive me crazy. If everything was generated because its something new-ish. I can understand nostalgia and a crush being amplified with a song. I’m not mad about it at all. i am interested in dissecting it. Plus I wouldn’t mind getting to know the girl to see if she’s any fun or if she’s boring. I just get concerned that I’d be letting myself run away with some fantasy. its not fear either, its a situation of being honest. I’d like to be honest about things, I know my life is a bit insane, but its also boring. I am a bit of a creature of habit. I like it when my habits drive everything. Well the good habits anyhow. and when those are in full effect there really isn’t a whole lot of space for someone else. I’ve dwelt too long on this particular girl, she supposedly has a bf she lives with. I’m not going to try and wreck that, she could just be more of the same, which would let me down. I like routine, but I don’t like the same type of situations I often find myself when seeing a person. and its not about fear, well maybe it is about fear, I fear I’d be wasting my time. And that just simply cannot stand.