Big changes in New reality

My life is a whirlwind of emotions. I haven’t been here in so long but I’m not sure where else to go or what else to do.. when last I wrote I had a follower who was not who they said they were.. they lied letting me believe they cared about me but spying instead for people I no longer spoke to. If you’re reading this I forgive you. I’m married now.. with no more side lovers. To be honest most of the time sex is unappealing.. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, manic depression, and anxiety. Starting slow on meds, but I will have nothing that is even close to a sex drive once they are truly in my sysyem.. it happened last time.. my wife was upset a lot and felt neglected and all that.. I stopped taking the pills my crazy came back and here we are.. I’ve been cut free for quite a while now.. I told myself I wouldn’t keep track of the date and well I’ve forgotten it.. but its been over a year.. it doesnt mean I’m doing well it just means I have better self control.. my wife and I have 3 kids.. no way I’d risk them seeing fresh cuts.. I have a new fancy job that I’m not qualified for.. I’m not great at it and it’s obvious but I’m kind of trying.. I’ve lost all of my friends and distanced myself from a majority of my family.. I mostly work and sleep.. putting on a happy face to go out in public isnt worth it.. my wife suffers because she loves people but I just dont.. I’d much rather stay home with my pets.. but that’s changing too because our middle child is allergic.. shes been showing odd symptoms for years and we took her to the allergist and now I have to get rid of my animals.. my wife is allowing me to keep my oldest smallest dog because she doesnt do much anyway.. but the rest have to go.. I’ve been crying on and off for two days.. like true ugly crying.. my face hurts from the tears my eyes hurt my mouth is dry and I kind of just want to sleep my life away. Everytime I look at our child I get angry.. I know that’s not fair but my fur children were here first.. I’m the only thing they have in the world and I have to tell them I cant take care of them anymore.. I’m not sure what to do to feel better or come to terms.. unless I want to lose my family I have to get rid of my kids.. where is that fair.. shes going to be taking allergy pills but apparently that doesnt matter. Nothing matters.. my wife has been trying to get rid of my animals since we moved in together and now shes finally getting her wish.. she swears shes not happy about it but I know she is..