Disturbed in New reality

So I get to keep my emotional support dog as well, but my cats are leaving soon. I’m angry about it but there is nothing I can do. My mind wont quit. There is so much negativity right now and it’s hard. Our sperm donor flaked again, and I may never carry a child. That upsets me a lot more than I care to talk about. I knew he would do this. I knew it was too good to be true and yet I let myself have hope, and here we are again. Maybe I’m not emotionally stable enough to carry children, maybe this is my punishment for not being a good person my whole life. Two ladies on my team at work are pregnant and it makes me jealous. I dont treat them differently or harbor hate for them I’m happy for them but I’m jealous. I’m full of a lot of negative emotions lately and I hate it. So much resentment, anger, sadness, and frustration. I’ve been allowing myself to feel them and they are only getting stronger. I’m not able to hold them in anymore it’s been too long it’s too much. My wife is trying to make me feel better.. tonight she wants to take me somewhere after work and I cant tell her no but that’s the last thing I want to do is leave my house currently. I’m also not great with surprises.. I get anxious.. everything makes me anxious. I’m basically a walking mental disorder.. like a 200lb chihuahua minus the yapping and the shaking, just a walking ball of nerves. One can only hope that things get better soon.