Well I am officially with Steve exclusively. I don't really want to be but I feel like I have to, to prove to myself that I am capible of holding a steady relationship. I don't know why but whenever I finally get with a guy I start feeling trapped and want out right away. And instead of getting closer with him I tend to pull away fast. I don't want to do that though because it isn't normal. I want to have what other people have, a normal relationship. Not one where they back out of it before it really even begins. So I'm sorta testing myself to see if I can make this one last. Plus my family all adores him and I'm friends with his brother Justin and all. But last night I felt so bad because when we were making out I was sorta getting bored so I fantasized that it was Craig I was hooking up with and it seriously felt like 100x better.
And I guess that leads me to the second angle of this situation. Craig I can't help it. I am so infatuated by him. I always fantasize doing things with him and just being with him. I like him soooooooo much. He is so hot and perfect and everything. But he can never know because he is 23 and I'm only 17. And it would just make everything awkward and weird. Of course I don't care about age but he does. ugh. He's leaving to NY in a couple months and I think right before he leaves I'm just going to straight out tell him. He'll prob be all weirded out but idk i just HAVE to tell him.
And last but not least DAVEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. With Davey its total lust. I love being with him so much. He is so sweet. He says the cutest things to me like "I love your hands" and he notices things about me like my new shoes and just little things like that makes me like him so much. Steve never notices things about me OR says sweet things to me the way Davey does. It reminds me of the movie Crazy/Beautiful. I duno why probably because I'm this lil white crazy 17 year old and he's this cute lil mexican. hehehe i love it.
Well that's about it. Colty is still "in the picture" but he has a girlfriend and says he doesn't want to do anything with me until he breaks up with his gf and I break up with my bf. CHRIS-finally- is fucking out of the picture. I hate him so much he is such a jerk! But anyways I am gonna go take a shower then hang out with Davey!!!!!!
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